I looked at myself in the mirror again. Was I revealing too much? Was I covering too much? Did I give off the wrong vibe? Did I look like I was trying too hard?
Those were the agonising thoughts racing through my mind as I stared at the tight black dress that wrapped around my body. All I wanted to do was impress Seth. But I didn't want him to think differently of me.
Things had been different since we had that conversation.
2 weeks before...
"Hey babe," Seth greeted me, wrapping that muscular arm around my neck. Those things still had an effect on me despite the 3-month relationship we'd had and my cheeks heated up, obviously turning a crimson shade. "Hey Seth," I replied, hiding my blush in my hair. "Don't hide, gorgeous. I like it when you blush. It's cute," He lifted my chin up with his rough fingertips and made me look into those mesmerising hazel orbs. "You're beautiful... and mine," Seth mumbled before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. The feeling I got as his soft lips pressed against mine was euphoric. He pulled away and pressed those angelic lips to my neck.
I felt so close to him at this point. I felt as if the whole world was just him and I and I wanted nothing more. That feeling took my mind back to something I heard on one of my favourite TV shows, Dr Phil. "Generally, when couples discuss previous sexual activity, they feel closer and tend to have more trust towards one another after knowing more about their partner," he had said.'Why not?' I shrugged and pulled my head back a little.
"Seth," I muttered. "Hm?" he hummed as a response. "W-well I- we... how many times before?" I managed out. Seth pulled away and gave me a confused look. "What're you talking about?" he questioned. I took a deep breath. "Before we had what we have... how many times have you... well... had sex?" I summarised. "What? Why're you asking this?" He took a step back, making me regret every word I said, I regretted even considering this conversation. "D-Dr Phil said that~" I began with a stutter. "Dr Phil?! Why're you thinking about Dr Phil?! What's Dr Phil got to do with anything that was happening?!" Seth questioned, his voice raising the slightest bit. "W-well he said that c-couples tend to feel closer wh-when discussing... each other's previous activities," I explained.
Seth looked down and shook his head. "What the hell, Aspen? You wanna know? I f*cked a lotta girl in the past. A lot of them were actually co-workers from other wrestling promotions, some of them from WWE. I've had a lot of 'previous activities' and you of all people should know I feel disgusting about that, I don't wanna bring that up again," Seth exclaimed with a sigh and stormed off.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I heard the door to our bedroom slam. I just ruined everything.
Present time
I sighed again and nodded, running my hand through my hair and turning away from that mirror that reflected all of my insecurities and walked out of my- our- bedroom. I took my time going down the stairs, not wanting to trip over my heels. I've never worn heels often but I had to give myself the perfect appearance for this date. Seth hardly even spoke to me since. It was always small talk, he never said that I'm beautiful or that he loves me or anything else along those lines. It hurt me badly. He never noticed how much that neglection hurt me, how insecure it made me. The most affection I'd gotten from him was when he asked me on a date to Olive Garden to 'talk about things'. That was where I was dreading to go. I had no idea what he'd meant by that.
I left the house, the ice cold air hitting my skin like knives made me shiver and regret not bringing a jacket of any sorts. I stepped into my car and pulled down the mirror, looking at my makeup and blending in my foundation and blender more. I looked like I was trying too hard, that I was desperate and lonely. That's not the vibe I wanted to give off. I wanted Seth to know that even though we had that little slip-up, that I'm still me and that I hope nothing's changed. Of course, I failed as miserably as I had with my relationship.
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