FOREVER NUMB XXXTENTACION

XVII

Julianna P.O.V

I was supposed to go out with Skies tonight for the first time and I didn't know if I was ready.

Yes me and Jahseh broke up but we are still friends we just needed a break from that relationship shit.

Also today was the day of the talent preview and I was super nervous

"Relax" Jahseh said.

"I'm so scared Jahseh" I said.

We were sitting the crowd with all the students I spotted Ceaser looking at me.

I'm in the mix with 3 guys I'm in love with Jahseh, I kinda still like Ceaser, and well me and Skies have been texting and he really is super sweet and takes time out of his day for me.

My mind, my heart, well everything was so confused like I never understood.

"Juilanna Danielle Smith 1st and 2nd set" the anncoment said.

I walked up on stage as my heart was racing a mile minute.

(Doja Cat So High is her first set)

I got up to the mic and starting singing.

I saw Jahseh smiling probably thinking about that moment.

I started vibing with my music and feeling a connection.

That's what music is all about feeling a connection.

After I was done with my 1st set my other song came on.

(Kehlani~ Gangsta is 2nd set)

Yes this song was about Ceaser I express the way I feel through music.

The up and downs of my life I put in my music.

I'm doing things I'm not supposed to be doing to cope with my down right now.

I'm trying to use music than my other methods but it's hard.

The party lifestyle I have is making me not feel any better.

My whole heart is confused and when that happens it makes me fall back until I find the one for me.

My set ended and I walked back to sit next to Jahseh I punched his shoulder.

"The Music Program is wanting to introduce new talent first Dana Veronica Mills" the anncoment said.

"Dana" I said.

"I'm not with her anymore I'm talking to somebody else" Jahseh said.

"Who" I said.

"Her name is Gevena Ayla" Jahseh said.

Him saying he talks to somebody else broke me as much as it probably did break him when I said I wanted to be with Skies.

"I hope y'all do well" I said.

"I want you Juilanna Danielle Smith" Jahseh said.

"We not ready for that relationship stuff right now we got serious and you fucked up twice your just not ready for shit like that" I said.

"But you can't just blame me you get petty and move on and then you want to hurt people Julianna" Jahseh said.

"If you saw me cheating you would do the same shit I would do so enjoy Gevena or Dana whoever your with" I said.

I had still had worked up jealously about Jahssh cheating on me with loose pussy but I hope I'll get better.

"I love you remember that" Jahseh said.

Ceaser got up and started walking towards me.

"Can I talk to you for a second"  Ceaser said.

"Okay" I said.

Ceaser and I walked outside of the auditorium to talk.

"Juilanna I will do anything to have you back I'll take anger management if you wanted me to" Ceaser said.

"I have to think Ceaser you put me threw a lot I mean a lot I love you when your not all worked up and mad but I can't deal with that part of you" I said.

"Okay just let me know" Ceaser said.

I walked back into the auditorium and sat next Jahseh.

"Sorry about technical difficulties but now please welcome Dana Veronica Mills" the anncoment said.

Dana got up to the microphone and waited for the backing track to play.

(my boy billie ellish it fits the way she looks)

Her voice was amazing but you can tell she just did this just to be shady to Jahseh.

Jahseh rolled his eyes and put his hood on his head.

After she was done she looked at Jahseh and rolled her eyes.

I really wanted to punch that bitch in her lip but I'm on my best behavior.

Then this curlyhead lightskin girl walked over to us and kissed Jahseh.

"Hey I'm Gevena nice to meet you" she said.

"I'm Juilanna" I said.

Jahseh looked at me noticing I was at the verge of getting mad and cry.

"I have to go get my phone out of my dorm I'll be right back" I said.

I ran out the auditorium to go to the bathroom.

I went into the bathroom stall and got the blue pill they call adderall.

I took it I needed it at that moment in time because I felt so bad.

Adderall gave me the energy and the focus I needed at the time.

It was more than smoking weed but it relieved everything off of me.

I was never going to take more than just this I was never going to snort coke.

I knew to be careful because my father always taught me that.

I use to take this every day I started when me and Jahseh broke up.

I only take it once a week because it's just every week is that one day that makes me fall.

Jahseh snuck into the bathroom and found my stall.

Jahseh crawled under the stall door and say me with the pill.

"Juilanna what the fuck" Jahseh said.

"You made me like this" I said.