The Anomaly Affliction

Twenty Five

My girlfriend emerges from her house, wheeling a green recycling bin in front of her.

She doesn't see me. She turns left as she steps outside, and leaves the bin at the side of her house, ready for the bin collectors to pick up in the morning. And I watch her, frozen. I've been dying for this sight ever since I left Nacoma. I can't believe that I have it now. It almost doesn't feel real. She's so beautiful. She'll never realise just how beautiful she is.

Something's different though. Her hair isn't entirely green anymore. The bottom half of her hair seems to be green still, but the top half has gone back to its original light blond colour. Maybe she's trying to grow it out. Maybe she just hasn't got round to re-dying it yet. Still, it seems strange to me.

I need to make myself known - she's about to step inside her house and close the door behind her.

"Lake," I blurt out, walking swiftly towards her door.

She turns round to face me, and what I see makes me freeze.

Her mouth is curled into a little smile. But it's not the kind of smile she used to get when we were together.

It's the kind of smile that vaccinated people have.

"Good evening," she says politely.

She doesn't sound like herself. Fuck, what did they do her?

"Lake..." I say breathily. "What...what happened to you?"

She chuckles, her smile broadening. "I'm not sure what you mean. I did recently get my SentiVaccines though."

Of course. I should've known. When I was outside Nacoma I lost track of the time of year. She's now sixteen and she's been vaccinated.

That's what she wanted to do. She always wanted to be vaccinated. So why do I feel so angry?

"I'm sorry," Lake continues. "Do I know you?"

What does she mean? Of course she knows me. She just doesn't recognise me because of what I look like.

"Lake, it's me," I frown. "It's Violet."

"Violet..." She says it to herself, like she's trying to remember something from a long time ago. "I don't know anyone by that name. It's nice though."

She's bluffing. This is some joke, right? She does know who I am. She's just pretending, and soon she'll throw her arms around me and say she was kidding and that she does remember me and that she loves me.

"No," I tell her, shaking my head. "You do know me. I'm your girlfriend. I ran away from Nacoma because I didn't want to get my vaccines. Remember?"

But she just stares at me with that classic Nacoma expression, her eyes bright yet vacant, with that fucking vaccinated smile.

I desperately grab her hand, hoping that my touch will jog her memory.

"Violet Luana Thorburn," I tell her. "That's my name. When we first met you asked me what my middle name was and I didn't want to tell you because I hate it. And then you said that you like middle names because they make people's names extra special. And you said that you thought my name was pretty. And when we left you gave me a hug and said that I was your friend. And about a month later we were dating. We got together in Amber Park. It was cold and I let you have my jacket. And we stayed there for ages, talking about...pretty much everything. Do you remember that?"

She looks down at her hand in mine, still with that blank face. After a moment, I sigh and continue.

"Earlier this year I tried to kill myself. And the next morning I woke up in hospital, and then you came rushing in. You were crying. You told me you were sorry but you didn't have anything to be sorry for. And you just hugged me, still crying. And I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have tried to kill myself. And I shouldn't have left you. I should've just got my vaccines, like you wanted me to."

I feel a tear roll down my cheek. "And I'm sorry."

Lake keeps staring at our hands. It's like she's trying to piece together something in her mind. I hope she is. She can't just forget me. She can't.

...Can she?

After a long, painful silence, she looks back at me.

"I'm sorry, I've never had a girlfriend before," she says. "And I've never known anyone called Violet Luana Thorburn. I think you have me confused with somebody else. I hope you find the person you're looking for."

It feels like my heart's stopped.

I stare into Lake's vacant eyes, willing her to remember everything we've been through together. The dates. The laughs. The inside jokes. The hugs. The kisses. The troubles. The deep conversations. The hopes. The dreams.

But she doesn't. And she won't. Something happened to her while I was away. Something very, very fucked up. The SentiVaccines don't make people forget others. They did something to her, the Nacoma authorities. They must've done.

Lake lets go of my hand and smiles at me some more. She looks like she's about to go back inside, but I can't leave it like this. Heartbroken, I let out a sob and throw my arms around her. My tears fall onto her shoulder, making her hoodie wet. She still smells like cinnamon. I'll never forget that smell.

She puts her arms around me in return, just to be nice, but it feels like the embrace of a stranger. Even though it doesn't feel the same as it did before, I don't want to let her go. I came back to Nacoma for her. What if I never see her again? But eventually, I realise that I have to. There's no point in staying here. I could hold her like this forever and it still wouldn't make a difference. She has forgotten me for good, and I can't get her back. I have to let her go.

She'll be happier without me anyway. I guess my depressive thoughts were right.

I force myself to let her go and wipe my eyes, feeling defeated. She looks at me and says: "Have a really nice evening."

And with that, she turns and disappears inside her house.