Will You Fall?

Chapter 6

Celandine returned to their shack that night with a bag of scones and a weightless feeling in her bones. After talking with Owen she felt like she could do anything, be anything. That boy had to be the most optimist, hopeful person she had ever met. Celandine was feeling things she never had before, she knew what love felt like; she loved Buckley and Stephen and the girls more than anything. This was different though, she felt more alive with Owen like she was meant to be something in life. With these thoughts still buzzing in her head, Celandine entered the burrow to see Buckley and the girls tucked into bed.

"Sorry, I had a late night; did you guys eat?" Celandine asked Stephen who was sitting stiffly on the sofa poised like a worried father.

"Where were you? You never stay out this late." He inquired standing up now. "I missed the first bus so I had to wait around a little." It wasn't exactly a lie, she did miss the bus just not for usual reasons. "Well, what are those?" He asked gesturing to the bag of blueberry scones. "Scones I got from a little bakery; I thought they'd be a nice treat." She said. Celandine probably should've told him about Owen but she knew he'd take it the wrong way. "A nice treat? Cel how much did those cost?" Stephen was beginning to get that little crease in his forehead that appeared when he was worried or stressed; Celandine hated seeing Stephen so distressed. She mentally kicked herself, of course the scones Owen bought would be insanely expensive, the whole bag of them probably cost thirty bucks. "Um not much, I got a little extra today so I got them." She muttered removing her coat. "How much do you have left over?" She pulled out the now worn fifty dollar bill Owen had given her. "Fifty bucks! Jesus Cel you've been making a lot lately. Wait is there something you're doing beside playing guitar?" Stephen asked lightly. He was always so worried that guitar playing alone wouldn't be enough for them and that Celandine would be forced to find other ways to make money. "Yup, well I guess I picked a good spot." Celandine knew where Stephen was hinting at; he was thinking Celandine had started selling herself. "Oh, you know Cel if it's becoming too much we can start eating at the soup kitchen; you don't have to be forced to do... that." He said suddenly looking down at his hands. Celandine became quite angry at this; she's a big girl, she can take care of herself and would never stoop so low as to treat herself as merchandise. "I'm not a prostitute Stephen! Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm doing well with my guitar. Not every homeless girl is automatically selling her body; I came to a little extra money today, I missed the bus that's it! Stop worrying about me so much, I'm the one taking care of you! Not the other way around." She whisper-shouted. Stephen glanced up uneasily, his eyes traveling to a dark memory. "I'm- I'm so sorry Cel, I just I'm so worried and sc-scared f-for you." Stephen muffled, he had began to cry. She shouldn't have gotten mad, Celandine knew of the small delicate boy inside Stephen. He coated himself in a shell to survive, survive life, the memories of his abusive parents, the foster homes. He kept that shell with him even around Cel and the others; it had reduced over the years but he always felt it was his job to be the tough one to keep everyone safe, he failed his younger brother in this prospect and he had to make up for it.

"Oh Stev, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have gotten mad, you're just looking out for me." Celandine said quietly hugging Stephen trying to calm his sobs. He did this every once in a while, broke down in months worth of tears.

"I- I just wanna ke-keep every- everyone sa-safe." He wept. "Shh, I know; just breathe with me alright? In, out, in, out." Celandine slowed her breathes influencing Stephen to do the same. His cries calmed but his face was still marked with tears, he looked so broken and distraught; like he was eight years old again. "There, better?" She asked; though he was taller than her Stephen had his head under Celandine's chin, his hair falling over his eyes. Stephen just nodded lifting up his tear stricken face, his amber eyes had lost some fire and became lighter, more innocent. "I know you're trying to keep us all safe, but if you don't start worrying about yourself you'll fade away, I don't want that to happen to you." Celandine said wiping some tears off of Stephen's cheek. "I know I just don't want to let anyone down again." He sniffled. "You'll never let us down, what happened to Elijah wasn't your fault." Explained Celandine.

Stephen told her the story only once one night when they were trying to put baby Buckley to sleep. Growing up, Stephen's mother and father were abusive in every way possible. They left him alone for days on end and when they returned he would be treated like trash. So when they had another baby Stephen knew it would hold the same fate. Now Stephen was left alone having to care for a baby, he did the best he could but Elijah was always crying and being fussy and there was never enough food in the house. Still Stephen held it together for a good year before it ended. His parents had come home late; drunk and angry from losing several hundreds dollars gambling. They stormed into Stephen's room where he was trying to calm Elijah down. His parents began to burn Stephen with lighters and cut him with broken bottles, all while Elijah wiggled in his arms. Stephen was trying his hardest to not cry, to stay strong when his father yanked Elijah out of his arms and began shaking him to stop crying. Stephen tried desperately to pull the baby out of his fathers arms, his mother shouting at Stephen to be more respectful. Then Elijah went limp and quiet and Stephen knew exactly what had happened. He stood dumbfounded for a while before bolting out of the house and down the street too scared to think about the cold. He spent that night under a slide then the next three years in and out of foster homes; the guilt hanging around him like the thickest mist.

"Thank you Cel, I don't know what I'd do without you." Stephen said after minutes of silence, he hugged her tightly trying to express thanks, words could not do.