This Is Me

Part 5

Sean fought back against his emotions. His heart went out to Mark, but he flooded his mind with every betrayal and pain that Mark wasn't there for. Turning his heart cold, Sean tugged against Mark's grip, growling out. "Let me go! Don't touch me!" Mark lifted his head to look at him with watery eyes, telling him softly. "Jack, I love you." Sean shook his head, refusing to listen. Getting enough anger to fuel his adrenaline, he shoved Mark back away from him, shouting out. "GO FUCK YOURSELF! You have no idea what I've gone through since that day! You hurt me more than anyone else ever could have!" Mark reached out to touch his shoulders, retorting desperately. "I know! I said, I'm sorry!" Sean smacked his hands away, glaring at him as he firmly stated. "Sorry? You hurt me not just physically, but mentally. How do you expect me to forgive you for that?" 

Mark stepped closer, cupping Sean's face in his warm hands as he whispered to him softly. "I'll make it up to you, I swear. Jack... Please? Give me a second chance?" Sean shook his head, taking ahold of Mark's wrists. Mark didn't give him a chance to pull away, because he seized the moment to kiss him. Sean's grip on Mark's wrists tightened up in defiance. Yet, he couldn't push Mark away, or even bring himself to break off their kiss. For that moment, his mind drifted to a time when Mark's kiss meant the world to him. He wanted that feeling back. To feel like he could trust Mark. To let his cold lonely heart feel his warmth and loving touch again. He wanted back the way he needed Mark and only him to face the world.  He would have continued to kiss Mark, if a brief flicker of his fall hadn't rippled behind his eyes. Bringing him reluctantly back to the present and snapping him back into his icy mood.  In a time, in which he realized that he didn't need Mark in his life.

A tear rolled down his cheek, before he shoved Mark back. What was he doing? He couldn't let Mark work his way back into his heart like this! What they had was dead. He wasn't going to be hurt by him again. Taking a deep shaky breath, Sean turned and ran for the door. Sean got it open, when Mark rushed in to slam it closed with a firm hand. Sean refused to look at him, gripping the door handle harder as he shouted out bitterly. "LET ME OUT!" Mark wrapped an arm around Sean, pleading over his shoulder. "Jack, please...? I know you still love me. Stay with me. We'll just talk. Like we used too." Sean's hand flexed on the door handle. Part of him wanted to stay and part of him was screaming for him to go. He knew that if he stayed, Mark would find his way back into his fragile emotionally confused heart. He needed to leave. He didn't have the mental strength to hold off Mark's advances. He felt so confused and torn up.

Sean clenched his teeth, focusing on the door as he told him bluntly. "I can't. I can't be alone with you. We both know how this will end. Now get your fucking hand off the door... Please?" Mark's hand tensed on the door with hesitation. Swallowing, Sean glanced over his shoulder to say in a softer voice. "Mark, let me out. If you truly love me... You'll understand how I feel. This isn't the way to win me over to your side." Mark reluctantly bowed his head, stepping back as he slid his hand off the door. Sean yanked the door open, slipping back out into the hall and running back down the steps. He hadn't expected Mark to let him go, but he respected him more for it. Rushing back to his house in the pouring rain, Sean winced in pain. The blisters on his feet had finally burst.  Just another thing on his long list of issues to deal with today. Grabbing his foot bath from his bathroom, he poured in the hot water and took a seat on the couch.

Sprinkling in the Epsom salts, Sean took a deep breath and lowered his feet in with a hiss. The water felt good, but the salt made his blisters burn for a short time. Finally relaxing, he dried his hair absentmindedly.  The sound of his phone bringing Sean's attention to his phone on the coffee table. It was still going off with all the messages and missed calls from his parents. Running his hands over his face, he pulled the towel from his damp hair and leaned forward to unlock his phone. It was better to get this all over with. He was already feeling down... How much lower could he sink? With a shaky finger, he pressed the button to answer the incoming call from his mother. He didn't even get a chance to say anything, before his mom started to tell him loudly. "FINALLY! What took you so long to answer? What is going on, Jack? Are you alright?" Sean waited until she finally took a breath, then answered lightly. "Ya, Ma. I'm fine. I'm sorry... I've just been... Taking this all in."