This Is Me

Part 51

Sean tossed and turned all night. By early morning, before the sun was even up yet. Sean stared at the empty side of the bed. All around him on the floor, the girls were sleeping in sleeping bags. They'd given him the bed all to himself, but it hadn't helped him sleep. All he could think about was how big the bed felt without Mark. How cold it was without his warmth. Sliding his hand across the vacant side of the bed, he felt so weird. This would be the last time he'd sleep alone. The last time he'd be single. He'd come close to this with Stacy... but it had never really sunk in. He was always so distracted with Mark. Now that he was facing this with Mark... He felt suddenly fragile. Everyone always told him that your life changed after marriage. Was that true? What would change? Would they survive it? Sean lifted his hand to look at the ring on his finger. The ring had never felt heavier on him. He had never been the praying type... but he prayed that he wasn't making a mistake.

He didn't want the ring to become a shackle between them. For most of the night, the girls had teased him with stories about their husbands becoming a nagging burden or growing too distant. His hand began to shake, forcing him to curl his fingers into a fist to fight it off. What if he gained weight and Mark lost interest? What if his next fall crippled him for life... Would Mark still be there to take care of him? Sean wrapped his arms around his pillow tightly, burying his face in it. He was becoming a shaking mess of nerves. His heart was racing frantically around in his chest as his mind started overthinking every little detail. His breaths turned short and jagged as he struggled to take deep breaths. He loved Mark... but were they good for each other? He hadn't even thought about what the press would say?! As the sun finally shined into the room, the girls began to wake. There frustration peaking as they fought for control of the single bathroom. Sean couldn't move. He didn't have the strength to get out of bed and he was shaking too badly to try.

The only woman that wasn't fighting for the bathroom was Stacy. Her hair was a static mess and her face was so pale without her make-up. She looked just as tired as him though. Out of all the women, she approached him. Leaning on the empty bedside, she reached out to touch his sweaty forehead, asking in a sweet motherly voice. "Sean? You ok? Are you cold? You're shaking." Sean pulled his blankets tighter around himself, unable to answer. He had a knot in his throat that restricted all means to even make noise. Stacy slid onto the bed, laying in front of him without touching him. Her eyes were so big and bright as she cooed out gently. "Are you feeling sick?" Sean tried to shrug. The movement was so shaky that it didn't form a clear answer though. From the wall by the bathroom, one of the girls he'd come to know as 'Clara,' stated out teasingly. "Oh no. Looks like the lad's getting the jitters..." Stacy ignored Clara and the others as they giggled. They meant no harm in their jab, but Stacy looked more concerned then ever. She knew this wasn't like him.

Stacy reached out to stroke her knuckles down his cheek, comforting him in a steady voice. "Talk to me, Sean. What's wrong?" Sean felt his eyes tear up, before he struggled out in a broken voice. "What if... I make so many mistakes... What if..." The girls all stopped their giggling. Stacy scooted closer to him, running her hands through his hair as she told him lovingly. "Hey... It's ok. Listen to me. I know you better than anyone. So, you can trust me when I tell you that this... It's not a mistake. Anyone that has seen the two of you together. They can see how much you love each other." Sean sniffled, pinching the bridge of his nose to try to stop his tears from falling. Stacy rubbed his arm, continuing to warmly tell him. "Mark loves you. You both smile and laugh more just being in the same room. I've seen him toss his ego to the wind to shield you from pain. I've watched you fight and work things out with each other... Sean... You have nothing to worry about." Sean shook his head, mumbling out in a wispy voice. "What about what they said... about changing and growing apart?"