This Is Me

Part 20

Sean rolled his eyes, but there was no sarcasm or doubt behind it. He believed Mark. He was starting to feel so vulnerable that his body was beginning to shake. Mark's hand squeezed his hand, while his other hand stroked his ribs with his thumb, telling him lovingly. "Are you still good? You're shaking?" Sean cleared his throat and nodded. His nerves were getting the best of him again. His mind was flipping through flashbacks of their last time and was scolding him for letting his heart lead him here. Mark shifted enough that he pulled out of Sean, asking him a bit more worried. "Jack? You still with me?" Sean closed his eyes and nodded again. Mark let out a deep sigh, slipping his hand from Sean's ribs to his lower back in a hug as he told him seriously. "Maybe we should wait... You don't seem ready for this." Sean's free hand reached up to grab Mark's neck to hold him close. He didn't want him to stop. He just couldn't settle himself down. Mark untangled himself from him, rising onto all fours as he told Sean seriously. "We can try this again later."

Sean shook his head, his own stubborn pride rising to the surface as he grabbed Mark's arm and shoved him over onto his back. Mark hadn't expected it and froze in place. Sean seized his hesitation to swing his leg over Mark's hips and pinned his wrists above his head. Mark could easily overpower him if he wanted to, but he didn't care. Staring down into Mark's eyes, Sean breathlessly panted out in a shaky voice. "If I'm shaking. It's your fault. It's taken me months to forget you... and I'm torn up inside... Between the man I knew and the man I see. Please tell me that I'm not making another mistake... Please tell me that I can trust you... My heart can't take it. There isn't much left... and if you break it again... I'll never recover..." Mark kept himself still, answering in a firm casual tone. "Jack... I can't tell you if you're making a mistake. Nothing I say will comfort you. You know what I did. I can only tell you that I never meant to hurt you... I was a stupid scared kid. I'm not that kid anymore. I can't fix what I did. And I don't expect you to believe me... but I'm not leaving you. Not this time."

Sean took a deep breath to fill his constricting lungs. His heart was aching for Mark's comfort, while his head was mercilessly jabbing his heart with painful flashbacks. A tear fell down Sean's cheek and he clenched his teeth. He couldn't take it anymore. Blocking out the pain, Sean lowered his hands to cup Mark's face and kissed him with silent desperation. He couldn't keep his thoughts out without him. He wanted to forget. He wanted to love him. He couldn't help but love him. Mark's warm hands stroked up along Sean's arms, trying to soothe him as their kiss deepened. Sean continued to kiss him, letting Mark's hands move from his arms to his sides. Something about the way Mark touched him now was removing the tension from his muscles until he stopped shaking. His hands weren't seeking to pleasure him, but comfort him. Sean pried his lips off Mark's, whispering over them in a broken voice. "Oh, fuck it... I'd rather burn with you... Even if it kills me." Mark's hand touched Sean's cheek, brushing away his tear as he sweetly told him. "I won't let it kill you. I'd rather turn your heart to ice. At least, then you'd survive."

Sean smirked a little, before sniffling and adjusting himself over Mark. Mark's hand grabbed the back of Sean's neck carefully, telling him seriously. "You don't have to do this." Sean cleared his throat, telling him confidently. "I know. I'm doing this for me. And I'm doing this for us." Sean took a short breath and extended his hand out for Mark to hold. Mark dropped his hand from Sean's neck to firmly take his hand. Sean tilted his head back and lowered himself down on Mark's cock. Mark's free hand stroked along his side protectively, trying to remind him to go slow. The gesture was nice, but Sean felt much more in control this way. He was able to do this at his pace and take more frequent breaks between. Mark groaned quietly under him, but he stayed still. Which Sean very much appreciated. He highly doubted that Mark would have had this much self-control in his younger years. Taking Mark's cock in little by little, Sean gritted his teeth and fought his way through it. It didn't hurt nearly as bad as he remembered last time being. His body was able to adjust much better this time. Even if it did take him a lot longer to finally take all of Mark in.