This Is Me

Part 21

Taking his seat on the couch, Sean stared blankly down at the carpet. There was no doubt in his mind that this was going to be mentally draining. Sean only got to take a short inhale, when his dad immediately started in with a stern tone. "Start talking, Sean. And you can start by telling me that truth. Tell me that they are wrong. That my son didn't throw away his career on a relationship with... HIM!" His dad pointed toward the kitchen, where Mark was leaning on the island counter and watching them with guarded eyes. Sean glanced at Mark, hoping he wouldn't say anything. Mark didn't, but he looked at him for a sign of a hint that he could. Sean faced forward, trying to avoid looking directly into his dad's eyes as he answered shakily. "I... It's complicated." His dad bent over to lean into his line of sight, then scolded him in a darker voice. "Well, ya better start uncomplicating it, boy! I poured a lot of time and money into that dream of yours! Then I spent even more to fix the damage this feckin arsehole did to you! Now answer me! Was it sabotage or some sick foreplay gone wrong?"

Sean licked his lips, feeling the pressure from his dad's intense glare. He opened his mouth, but nothing was coming out. He didn't want to make his dad angry and yet there was no answer that he could give that wouldn't send him over the edge. When he didn't answer right away, his dad growled out at him. "Answer me, boy!" Sean flinched and Mark suddenly snapped out from the kitchen. "Give him time to answer, Jesus." His dad straightened up to his full height, pointing at Mark as he shouted out angrily. "Don't you say another feckin word, ya two-faced gobshite! You've been a bad influence on him since the beginning! Now ya turned him into a queer as well?" Sean jumped to his feet, snapping out. "HEY! Don't talk to him like that! He didn't turn me into anything! I've been this way from the start! You were probably just too drunk to fecking see it!" His dad shoved him back down on the couch with a firm hand, snapping down at him. "Don't ya go and try to turn this shite around on me! Someone had to work in order to pay for your expensive shite! A drummer. A skater. A youtuber. Ya change your mind so feckin much, I barely kept us afloat! I tried to be supportive!"

Sean felt tears welling up in his eyes as he snapped back in a shaky voice. "Supportive? You were passed out drunk for half my life! You barely spoke to me! And when you did, you made promises that you never kept, and you never once told me that you were proud of me!" His dad gave him a mocking pouty face, sneering out to him. "Oh, I'm sorry... Did ya want me to hold your hand your whole life? I blame your mother for spoiling your arse! If it had been up to me, you would have gone into sports like your brothers! REAL SPORTS! Not this dancing on ice shite! I only let ya do it because I thought you were trying to get Stacy's attention!" Sean smacked his dad's hand away from his chest, yelling out. "I'm sorry that I'm such a disappointment to you and everyone else! I didn't ask to be like this! This is just the way that I am! If it was a disease, I'd cut it out to make you proud... but it's not." His dad took a step back from the couch with an unreadable expression.

Allowing Sean to slowly stand up and plead with him as tears ran down his face. "I'd give anything to make you proud of me... but I can't wait for that day... because I'm afraid it will never come. You want the truth... Fine. He hurt me and it was a stupid mistake. I should toss him aside and stay bitter... but it won't change the fact that I love him. It won't change the fact that I'm a broken mess of mistakes myself. I've spent my life trying to be someone else's idea of perfect... and you know what... I've never met anyone that was perfect. So, why I am trying so hard to be? Why can't I just be me?" Sean wiped his tears away with the end of his palms, sniffling as he waited for his dad to say something. His dad looked him over and then looked Mark over briefly, before turning to walk away. As he walked away, Sean weakly called after him. "Da...? Please say something! Da?!" His dad stopped at the door to open it. Once it was opened wide enough for him to leave, he glanced over his shoulder to say in a soft voice. "I don't know what to say to ya... You just... I can't stand here and listen to ya... I just don't feel like I know ya anymore. Live your life how ya want to... but I'm not sure I want to be part of it."