True Colors (joshler, multi-fandom)

12 - The Sea of All the People

Now silence. No noise, not even from the living room. It was like the whole house heard Josh's voice, barely over a whisper. Tyler couldn't process what he just heard.

"What?"

"Did you hear me?"

"I did. I just- I- Josh."

Josh looks like he's about to cry. "What is it?" He managed to choke out.

"I just want you to know you're my best friend, and nothing can change that. Don't be scared about how I think of you. You're not a label, you're Joshua William Dun."

"Tyler-" he choked as a tear rolled quickly down his face, reflecting the outside light. He shut his eyes tightly and wiped the tear off with the back of his hand, not noticing that Tyler was wrapping his arms around his best friend.

Tyler whispered softly in his ear, "You're okay, Josh. You're okay."

Josh started to weep into Tyler's shoulder. Tyler was shocked, to say the least, because he's never heard Josh cry since first grade, before puberty, before an unaltered look at the world, before knowing what being gay is, and how much it apparently mattered to people like their families.

Tyler tried to console his best friend the best he could. He's never had to do that before. He rubbed his arms up and down Josh's back, but physical comfort isn't really Tyler's strong suit. He's better with words.

"I'll look out for you. And I mean that as a promise. If someone wanted to pick a fight, they'll have to fight me. I know It's dangerous. But I'll get beat to smithereens. Just for you."

Okay. Maybe that wasn't the best. But it made Josh calm down.

"You're a riot." Josh's voice was back to normal, but Tyler knew he wasn't completely okay.

"If it'll make you feel any better, we can go to Taco Bell." They both pulled away from the hug.

"You don't have to do that."

"But this is big for you! Let's do something to celebrate."

"It was two words, and I don't plan on being out to the world anytime soon."

"What about our friends?"

"I mean, yeah, they should know. But what if I just stayed in the closet until I got a boyfriend? Like Ryan did?"

"Whatever's okay for you."

"I kinda...I kinda don't wanna wait. I just wanna get it out there to our friends and hope they don't spread it."

"Well I heard Pete and Ryan talk about that earlier today, that Ryan wants to keep his relationship a secret. And it takes a lot to make Ryan trust anyone like that, so I think you'll be okay."

Josh nodded. "It's a deal."

Tyler put his hand out to do their secret handshake again before returning to making music.

***

The calming breeze of September and having everyone at the table in a good mood made it easy for Josh to make his "announcement."

"Alright. So I didn't think this would be as big as it was yesterday when Tyler found out," Josh announced, Tyler cracking a smile at the mention of his name. "I'm gay."

Everyone's expression was that of surprise- pleasant surprise- then Ruby was the first to vocally react: "I knew it! I knew something was up! But I'm proud of you for having the courage, Josh. It is a big thing."

Josh smiled at Ruby in response before Brendon made a comment: "I bet Ryan and I made you comfortable enough?" while squeezing Ryan's hand tighter, making Ryan smile and turn away bashfully.

"Actually, yeah! I just thought about staying in the closet until I got in a relationship, but I felt like you all had to know before that happens."

"That's alright, Josh." said Nicole reassuringly, while she had been quiet as a mouse like Jenna was the past few days, sometimes sitting at the table next to this one, still under the trees and still close enough, to avoid all the boys' antics.

"I offered to take him to Taco Bell to celebrate, but he wouldn't let me." Tyler entered.

"Let's all do that someday! Like at the end of the year, we could all go to some restaurant as a party of eight!" Ruby suggested ecstatically.

Gerard winced at the idea. "I don't know about that, isn't a band of eight teenagers just bad news in anyone's head?"

"Hey, as long as Jenna, Tyler and I are around, no one would think much of it."

"Okay, don't get ahead of yourself, Ruby." Nicole put a hand on her shoulder.

"It's a nice idea though."

"Guys. Hey, guys." Ryan tried to speak. Everyone's attention was focused on Ruby that they almost completely forgot the other boys.

"Sorry. Yeah?" Ruby acknowledged.

"We're performing at a party on Halloween. It's Jon's party, and he's got a big house. If you wanna go and need more details, text me. Or get someone to do it for you."

***

After Tyler had dropped him off that very first day, Josh kept trying to figure this out so much. Why, why in the world would he have these feelings out of nowhere, and for his best friend of all people? It was only a week after school started back and Josh was left to his own devices to figure out what was going on. His siblings were too young, and he was afraid of his parents would think. He just had to test himself: Would he want a committed relationship with a woman or a man? Would he "like" a woman or a man more? This took about two weeks, but by then, the answer was always the latter. He was definitely sure at this point. but it made him all the more terrified. He didn't want his parents to find out. He only wanted Tyler to know. All these strange habits from his childhood and interactions with the media now add up. This was extremely early in the game and a shot from the dark, but he knew. He just knew.