Daily Thoughts

The Wrong Time.

Was it real?
The connection we had. We used to talk all the time, tears of laughter streaming down our worn out faces, but we never had enough.
The eye contact we used to make. A friend once told me, sometimes eyes can express more words than we could ever have spoken.
Whenever I saw you, I felt this intense bundle of nerves, rushing into me. There was no way to stop them, but I didn't complain.
I thought it wasn't one-sided.
I remembered when I saw your face light up whenever I wanted to talk. I remember that instant enthusiasm you always had when I only said "hi".
I thought I wasn't the only one that felt the chemistry we had, I thought we had the potential to be something more.
I remember three years ago, when we were practically strangers, yet the words you said alarmed me.
I was taken aback. I didn't know how to react. I am the type of person that would cry over hurting someone. Even if I knew it had to be done as in the long run I'd end up breaking you even more. And to be broken is one of the worst feelings that one could experience.
So I left it there. I hoped for the best. But little did I know that I would fall for you.
It took a long time, in the span of a year. That was when I knew it was more than a little, stupid crush.
I fell for your personality. You were so nice to me, so nice to everyone you knew. Nice guys are so rare to find.
You used to boost my self confidence, you made me feel worth. You made me feel like I was worthy enough for people to come up to me and say "hi".
It may seem like nothing to others, but to me, it kept me going.
Like the heart is dependent on the other organs to function, I became dependent on you. You became a part of (almost) every day.
Sometimes, when I was with you, I used to doubt myself. I used to wonder what you saw in me. I used to feel jealousy whenever I saw you with other girls.
But I am not a control freak, I promise.
One of your friends told me that you were into me around the mid-way process of falling for you. But the setting was wrong. The atmosphere was strange. I didn't make a move.
I tried to use hints to get you to make a move, but it still seemed like you were clueless. But in a cute way so I didn't mind.
I got so frustrated. I thought you liked me and I liked you, so what more did we have? I put every effort towards this but things just remained constant.
I tried to hint at getting your number, and you seemed up for it. Like it was a good idea.
But it never happened. I had to get a friend to do it for me, there was no moment.
It was only during the holidays that I knew. It was now or never.
I knew that if it was unrequited, I would go the whole holiday not seeing you again. I wouldn't have had to face you as soon as the next week.
So I called you. I confessed, not knowing what to expect in return.
The response was one word. "Ok". But things didn't seem that way.
Things were awkward, like never before. Exactly how I didn't want things to be.
But it was inevitable.
Perhaps you felt surprised, like I did all those years ago.
Perhaps you felt powerless. Maybe you moved on. Who knows?
I thought we had something, but clearly I was mistaken.
You may have been into me once, but how could even a friendship come to an abrupt halt by just one word?
The power of "ok".
Maybe we just fell for each other at
The Wrong Time.