Daily Thoughts

Human.

A/N: This is actually about the same person in "The Wrong Time", just the more positive side.

I know what happened hurt me. 
I know what happened shattered me like a wrecking ball smashing at full force towards fragile glass, unstoppable.
But it's in the past, forgotten, maybe we can start over.
You continue to notice me, when we pass by in the hallways. You continue to stare, longingly, as if you could take back the eternal pain that I received.
It wasn't nice. The feeling of not knowing where you stand with someone, yet feeling rejected nonetheless. 
But you still seem interested. The situation is unique. You were one of the only people that I thought gave a shit about me, and maybe you still do.
Every day, I feel ignored. Isolated, ostracised and alone. Everything is monotonous. 
I have a few friends that acknowledge me, however the majority don't seem to care. This deepens my thoughts about being forever different. 
A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends. He happened to be a guy, and I view him nothing more than platonically. It was harmless banter.
Then you entered the room. You looked directly into my gorgeous, green eyes and that's when I thought.. "maybe he still cares". 
It may well have been jealousy. I was never really one to talk to other guys in the past, and now putting myself out there, did I hurt him too?
I don't know how you felt when I confessed. You could've just been taken aback by my expressively eloquent words. You could've just been surprised by the sudden topic of conversation. Who knows?
"Ok" may not be disastrous. But it was for me.
It felt like I was on an island, not being able to have a clear vision of a direct pathway. My mind was stranded. I couldn't think straight.
I knew what I had to do when I saw you again. I had to move on.
But YOU were the one who continued to push. You were the one who waited for me at the end of day 1 yet I just couldn't face you. You made an effort.
That was all I wanted, so now I'm giving you another chance. I hope I don't regret this.
When I did eventually face you, we dodged the topic of what happened in the summer. We talked as usual, you seemed to be interested in what I had to say.
You laughed at my corny jokes.
Maybe we can still be friends.
But do you want something more? 
We'll see what happens. 
All I know is, when you see me, you always make me smile. You make me remember I exist. I also have feelings. 
And I'm not blind. I still see that gigantic grin plastered all over your face when we talk.
What do you want?
For now, where we stand is okay. Because when you nod your head towards my direction, when you smile at me and say "hi", you make me feel
Human.