Daily Thoughts

Loved.

A/N: All the parts I've written so far are negative life experiences, so I have decided to write about a positive experience. Enjoy!

There used to be a time when I was insecure. I knew I stood out. I knew I was different.
Every day, I would wake up and immediately identify all my flaws. The list would be endless.
I felt like I would never be able to please myself. I heavily cared about what others thought.
I used to go to school every day wanting to be accepted. Accepted for being me, though I knew it wouldn't happen.
Teenagers can be so judgemental these days, and this irritates me to the core.
I used to conceal my flaws with makeup. Brush after brush, I made my flaws invisible.
Washed away like the tide calmly eats away at the sand.
I didn't feel comfortable afterwards, yet at the time, I thought others wouldn't see me as an enigma.
Nonetheless, my peers still teased me. It got to the point where I thought escaping my problems was the only way to save myself.
I was a loner back then. All I wanted was reassurance that I was doing okay.
I thought that I was a burden to everyone else, that my appearance was a problem.
There were alot of things I thought were a problem. My sense of humour, my sense of fashion..
But most of all, my personality. That damn personality. I was too awkward for anyone.
Soon enough, I realised that I couldn't do anything to change people's thoughts about me.
I had to accept my fate.
I decided not to make as much of an effort on my appearance. Not as much makeup.
I came into school the next day and people treated me the same as usual.
They didn't seem concerned with the way I looked.
After this day, I decided to change a lot of things.
I wasn't afraid to wear quirky clothes, I wasn't afraid to speak my mind.
I WASN'T AFRAID.
I didn't care about the gossip of others anymore, I didn't need anyone's approval.
With these changes, I gained a lot of self-confidence which balanced the lack of self-esteem that came alongside my insecurities.
I realised that I was allowed to have flaws, because nobody is perfect.
I stopped comparing myself to everyone around me, as I am my own person.
And if anyone wants to tease me for being myself, then they are insignificant.
From then on, it was me, myself and I.
Against whatever life threw in my way. Against the world.
The day I realised all these things was July 12th 2015. It still holds a special place in my heart.
From then till the present day, I allow myself to feel
Loved.