Ablaze (after the Mockingjay) ON HOLD

CHAPTER 4:

We finally arrive home at 8:30. Peeta carries asleep Rye upstairs to his bed. Josie and I sit on the couch together. "Mom?" she asks, "What is Ms. Trinket name again?"

"Her name is Effie darling." I tell her.

She puts the first and last name together, "Effie Trinket?" I nod. Jocelyn is a very curious girl. I can tell that she is thinking. Which, in this case, scares me. It's about ten minutes before she says another word. "I think I may have heard  her name in our history books." 

Josie is in sixth grade and her class just started to talk about the hunger games. Mostly just the games themselves, including the Reaping. They haven't learned about the war. That's what seventh grade talks about. Sixth learns about the games, seventh learns about the rebellion, and eighth learns about the reconstruction of their district and our government. 

"You may have." I say. I hope she will just leave it at that but, she doesn't.

"Why?" I debate whether or not to tell her. Peeta and I have told her we were in the hunger games but, that is all she really knows. I wonder if I should just tell her to ask her father. Peeta has always had a way with words and he might be able to tell her in a good way. Peeta is also stronger than me. He would be able to talk to her without crying like I probably would. But, Josie asked me and I have decided she is probably old enough to know these things anyways.

"Well," I start. Her eyes are glued to me. I smile. "Effie was the escort for District 12. You know what an escort is, right?"

"Yeah. They pick two names out of a bowl. Then those people go to the hunger games. Did Effie pick you and Daddy's name?"

"Um, well, yes she did pick Dad's. But, my sister, Prim, was originally reaped. It was her first year and she was only 12. She wouldn't have stood a chance. I volunteered so she wouldn't die." I sigh, "Well, then anyways."

"Wait! What? You have a sister? I can't believe you haven't told me that! Can we see her sometime? Huh? Can we?" Josie screams excitedly.

"I'm sorry but, we can't." I say and frown. The familiar feeling of grief and depression come over me again. I just want to cry. I can't do that though. I can't cry in front of her.

She asks me, "Why not?"

I can't take it anymore. I put my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands and start crying. I wish I could visit Prim. I wish I could introduce my children to their Aunt. She would love them and they would adore her. Prim would be ecstatic Peeta and I are together since when she died he was still pretty hi-jacked. I wish I could open the door to my old house in Victor's Village and she would run up to me and give me a huge hug. Although, none of that can happen. I start to cry harder.

"Mom, I am so sorry. We don't have to. Mommy, please stop crying. Oh, this is all my fault!" Josie says, feeling guilty I'm crying. Even though, it wasn't really her fault.

I can't stop crying. I am, however, able to say "No, it isn't your fault." She starts to rub my back. Then I hear Peeta come running down the stairs. He probably heard my wailing from all the way upstairs.

Peeta asks, "What's wrong with your mother Josie?"

She stands up. "I asked her if we could see her sister and then, she started crying. I'm sorry Dad! It's all my fault." I haven't put my head up yet although, I can still tell she's crying.

"Sweetie, I guarantee it wasn't your fault." He says to her. I nod my head in agreement while continuing to sob. My shoulders shake and I'm starting to get a headache. Peeta whispers soothing words in my ear until I stop crying. I look up to see a crying and shaking Josie. Peeta goes to get us some hot chocolate. Josie and I sit in silence when he is making it. She doesn't look at me. I probably scared her. I pull her close to me and set her in my lap. She continues to look away and doesn't say anything. Then, Peeta comes back with the hot chocolate.  

We sit in silence for a few more seconds until I say, "Josie, honey, the reason we can't see her is um, well," I don't want to tell her so, why did I start? I look up at Peeta.

Peeta nods. "She needs to know." he says in a low voice. He's right. I know he is right. It's just too saddening to talk about the past. 

"My sister, Primrose,  passed away towards the end of the Revolution," I admit.

She gasps and hugs me. Josie says, "Oh, Mom! I'm sorry."

"She was so young and so beautiful. Just like you," I say. I smile and wipe my tears away. "She didn't deserve to die at all. Prim was just helping some injured and then these parachutes came down and, and, they thought they were gifts but, they were bombs."

"Why would anyone want to bomb a bunch of little kids?" Josie asks. I shrug. "I am so sorry."

"Well Prim died for a good cause didn't she. Now there aren't anymore of the hunger games so you and Rye don't have to worry about that now do you?"

"Yes I suppose you're right," she says and yawns. "I'm going to bed now"

I kiss her on her forehead. Then she walks over to Peeta. "Goodnight sweet-pea" he says and kisses her on the cheek. She walks upstairs to her room.

An hour later we go to bed. Every night either me, him, or sometimes even both of us are awaken by terrible nightmares. Our doctors say they will get better but, I don't see that happening anytime soon. It's truly amazing how the kids don't wake up every night. Maybe they're just used to it.