Love, Abby.

Simula

Simula

I always look up to things. Be it small or big I'd still appreciate them. Para sakin kailangan nabibigyan mo ng halaga ang bawat bagay sa mundo di mahalaga kung may masakit na epekto to sayo. You need to understand why it is like that. In that way, you'll get to appreciate them.

"Abby, papa left us."

That's what I heard after a long wait outside the ER. Hinagkan ako ni mama ng buong puso na para bang ako nalang ang natatanging pag-asa nya sa mga oras na yun. She cried her heart out. Nanatili akong tulala sa mga sandaling yun. Nahihirapang i-proseso ng bata kong utak ang mga nangyayari.

I just came to realize that dad has passed away when mom brought me to a big house. Akala ko nung una bahay nga ngunit nung pumasok kami ay may nakita akong iba't ibang itsura ng kabaong. Mukha itong abandonadong bahay pero hindi naman ganun ka luma talaga.

"Which do you want for papa, 'nak?" Ngumiti si mama sakin. Bakas paring ang kalungkutan.

I stared at the big casket in front of me and remembered something.

"Papa is big. Maybe he'll fit here, ma."

Nakangiting pumikit si mama at kasabay ng pagmulat nya ay ang pagtulo ng mga luha nya.

"Yes, yes. Papa will fit here." Bahagya syang tumawa sabay yakap sakin at humagulgol.

Dad always told me to appreciate things. Masama man o hindi kailangan bigyan pansin at pahalagahan. He said, good things and bad things are equal so as we people. Poor or rich, beautiful or ugly, man and woman, we are equal so better treat each other in a good way.

Even death should also be given appreciation. How is it beautiful to finally return to him? How is it feel to finally end the hard days? How is it finally to rest? How is it finally to be home? Masaya. That's what dad told me on his last days. Di ko alam pero sobrang masarap sa tenga ang mga sinabi nya.

"So when you're home, you're gonna stay there for good? You won't comeback?" I asked like I just heard a beautiful bed time story and I'm asking for some kiddy questions.

Tumawa sya. "Oh, Abby. You don't know how much I love you."

"So babalik ka samin? You love me right?"

Natahimik sya saglit at bumuntong hininga sabay ngiti sakin.

"I'll comeback as your angel. Babantayan ko kayo like how superheroes do. I'll always look up to you and to your mom."

Superhero. Angel.

Di ko alam kung bakit nasiyahan ako at malungkot din. Aalis sya at babalik bilang isang anghel. Bilang isang superhero. Does that mean my big dad will no longer be my big dad? Anghel na sya. And am I going to see him for real? Or is he gonna stay invisible like how I know angels do?

"Be with mama always. Make her happy. Don't leave her alone, Abby. Promise me." He said.

I nodded. "I promise."

"I'm gonna leave you but please don't get angry with papa. Dapat masaya ka kase finally, papa will get to be home. Abby, you need to accept and appreciate things like this. Understand it and you'll be happy for all your life."

Naging tahimik ang bahay pagkatapos ng nangyari. Bahay school lang ako at si mama naman kung wala sa opisina nya ay nasa bahay lang din naglilinis at kung ano pa.

I cried when dad gone. Alam mo yung pakiramadam na sana pala nilubos ko yung pakikipaglaro ko sakanya nung mga panahon na okay pa sya. Kung sana nakipagtagu-taguan pa ko bago dumating ang mga araw na paunti-unti syang nawawala. Namimiss ko yung paghatid sundo nya sakin at minsan inaatake ako ng pag-iyak at di ko pinapahalata. Hinahayaan ko hanggang sa tumuyo ito sa pisngi ko at pagkatapos ngingiti ulit ako na parang walang nangyari. Makikihalubilo ulit sa mga kalaro.