Life is Precious, Delicate As a Rose.

Chapter 3: Goodbye boyfriend

Straighten hair. Slide on black dress. Strap on black heels. Pull on black cardigan. Put on necklace Ashton gave me. Put on promise ring with A.M+L.P on the back of it. Put chapstick on. Glide waterproof mascara on. Put phone in purse. Check self in mirror. I was getting ready for my boyfriends funeral.  Walking out the door. Drive. Park. Step out of car. Hug Ashton's crying mother and father.Stand next to my mother and father. Hug my best friend Macy. Stand outside in early September weather. Feel knot in throat. cry. 

We all had listened to Ashton's family say their speaches about their son. "Lila, would you like to say a few words?" I heard over the speaker. I look up to see his father's questioning eyes. shit, now I'm going to cry in front of everyone. Whatever this is for my baby. I nodded inn agreement and walked up to the podium, next to a picture of Ashton with roses all around it. "Ashton Marnson. So many beautiful things in just those two words. He was my boyfriend. But he was also so much more than that. I was in love. He made me feel like nobody else could. And yes, as everyone was wondering. The doctors said, as they were looking through his jean pockets...They found....um.." stop crying, Lila, pull it together. "..the doctors had found a little black box in his pocket of his jeans..they let me open it.. It was a beautiful 3-Karat diamond enagement ring. Ashton was going to ask me to be his wife.." I started to cry. "I immidieatly starting crying. I would have said yes in an instant. I would have been his wife. But, things happen. Ashton past away. Their nothing anybody can do, except keep Ashton in all our hearts. Ashton Marnson will never be forgotten. We all love him so much. God bless." I stepped off the stage, biting my lips so I wouldn't completely brake down. Macy held my hand and gave me a sympathetic smile. 

I went to an empty church after Ashton's funeral. I sat down in one of the pews, bowed my head, clasped my hands, and felt the cold tears trickle down my soft cheeks. Dear Ashton, please. If you hear this. Just I wanted to say.. I love you.. I'll always miss you and I'll never forget you. I wish with all my heart you were still here. I would've said yes to your proposal in under a 2 second warning. I love you, it's unexplainable. I'll always love you. No matter what. You're up in heaven now, with God's prescense. And that is absolutely wonderful. Just know, I'll think about you every day and night. You are the most amazing man ever. nobody will ever replace you okay? Nobody. Ever. I just want you to be happy. I hope I see you again someday. I love you. Forever and always Ashton. Forever, you'll always have my love and I'll always have yours. I love you Ashton. I love you.  I ended my prayer with an Amen. I started quietly crying. and crying. and crying.