who are you // ashton irwin

dead of night

Paisley's P.O.V

After a few hours of restlessly tossing and turning, I pushed the covers off and climbed out of bed quietly, thankful for the fact I had a bottom bunk.

A few more kisses had been shared between Luke and I just hours earlier, leaving me feeling awfully confused. I enjoyed them--I wouldn't deny that fact, however I wasn't sure what would happen from here. He was the closest thing I'd ever had to a friend, and I finally understood those cliche movies where a relationship is avoided in order to preserve a friendship.

Shuffling into the kitchen, I made my way over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, sitting down at the table. To avert my attention from my current dilemma, I decided to go on twitter. Since joining the tour with the boys, despite the fact our first show wasn't until tomorrow night, I had gained a good amount of followers, along with fans. I followed a few and retweeted some stuff, pulling both my knees up to my chest.

I had been so engrossed in my twittering I barely noticed a light flicker on in the hallway.

However, upon hearing the door to the bathroom open, followed by some sniffling, I turned off my phone and exited the kitchen quietly, peeking around the corner to see what was going on. I was a bit shocked to see Ashton standing against the sink, his shoulder slumped and shaking as soft cries left his mouth. "Ashton?" I murmured, shuffling closer to the bathroom. He turned around, his broken, bloodshot eyes meeting mine. "Get away," he snapped hoarsely. I just shook my head, continuing to make my way into the bathroom.

"What happened?" I mumbled, staring at his shaking hands. "Nothing happened!" he raised his voice, his lip trembling. I reached out and grabbed his large hands, trying to get them to stop shaking. I noticed how cold they were and frowned. He continued to shake, however, his breath hitching as he swayed slightly.

Quickly, I led him to the other part of the bus, shutting the door behind us and pulling him onto the couch. "Tell me what's going on," I demanded. He continued to sob, staring at his feet as his hands began to shake more. "I c-can't do this!" he snapped, ripping his hand back to tug at his hair. "E-everyone hates me and I hate me too! I hurt y-you and Luke and th-the fans and...and...and I d-deserve to hurt too!" My eyes widened, remembering our run in the day before in the bathroom.

*SLIGHTLY TRIGGERING*

Worriedly, I asked, "Ashton, where is the blade?" His eyes widened slightly and before I knew it, he was up and out of the room, running back to the bathroom. I followed as fast as I could. "Ashton, don't!" I yelled.

He began to search through the medicine cabinet, throwing stuff behind him, resulting in them crashing to the ground. "St-stop!" I screeched, grabbing his hand. He just glared at me, shoving me to the side as he ran to the bunks, resuming his search.

"A-Ashton please st-stop!" I sobbed, tugging on his sweatshirt. "What's going on?" Michael sleepily mumbled, sitting up. His eyes widened when he saw Ashton in a frenzy, tears streaming down his face. "Uh...Is he okay?" I shook my head, still trying to pull him away from the bag.

"Where is it?" he mumbled, moving to his pile of dirty clothes, going through the pockets. "Pl-please don't do this," I begged, crying harder.

"Paisley wh--what's happening?" Luke asked as he too sat up, confusion clear on his features. I ignored him, focusing fully on Ashton. "D-don't do this," I said, softer this time. He visibly relaxed, but only slightly. "Y-you're going to be fine...N-no one hates y-you..." He spun around sobbing.

"Y-you hate m-me! L-Luke hates me! The f-f-fans h-hate me! E-everyone hates me! I d-deserve this!" I shook my head, using this time to pull him into my chest. Seeing him this way broke my heart and I didn't know why. I was supposed to hate him. I should hate him; I had every reason in the world to hate him. But right now, I just couldn't find it in me.

"I'm s-so sorry.." he whimpered, falling to the floor and taking me with him. I didn't let my grip loosen as I held him, "It's f-fine...just c-calm down..." I replied softly, rubbing his shoulder. "Just c-calm down..." He just nodded, still shaking.

With every passing minute, he became more calm and I was nearly positive that if I hadn't of moved, he would've soon been fast asleep. "Let's get you in bed," I murmured, helping him into his bunk across from Luke's. He just nodded sleepily, snuggling into the covers once I'd pulled them over his body. "Goodnight," I said lightly. "Night," he mumbled back, and then just like that, he was out like a light.

I turned to face the other boys. A silence sat in the room until Michael shook his head, "What the heck just happened?" "I...I was in the kitchen and..and I heard him in the bathroom and then he just freaked out and tried to find a blade and..and I dont even know..." I managed out softly, tears now resuming their flow down my cheeks. Luke quickly climbed down the bunk and pulled me into his arms, holding me protectively.

To say I felt overwhelmed would be putting it lightly. I didn't have a clue what just happened or why I cared so much. I didn't understand why my heart had twisted upon seeing him hurting so bad. I didn't know why I wanted nothing but to hold him until I was sure he was safe, to protect him with everything in me. The only thing I knew was I didn't like it; I didn't like it at all.

"Why don't you stay in my bunk tonight?" Luke suggested quietly, using his thumb to brush away a stray tear. I nodded silently, allowing him to lead me up to his bunk. Calum followed us with his eyes, throwing me a sympathetic smile. He had been completely silent, just watching as everything unfolded. I returned the gesture weakly.

Once I was settled in Luke's bed, he held onto me tight, whispering sweet things in my ear. This only caused more tears to sting my eyes because I still didn't know where on earth we stood, but I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed this away, just listening to him. Soon, his voice faded off, and I was about to fall asleep as well when I heard something shuffle.

Sitting up slightly, I checked to make sure it wasn't Ashton, still slightly freaked out by what happened just minutes ago. I was met with a surprise, however, upon discovering it was Calum. He climbed up to Ashton's bunk and shook him until he woke up. I dropped my head down, pretending to be asleep.

Since their voices were so hushed, I couldn't make out anything except for the occasional sniffle from Ashton. They spoke for about five minutes before Calum sighed and returned to his bunk. My eyelids began growing heavy, despite the fact I was fighting to keep them open. The last thing I heard before I lost and they fell shut was soft crying coming from below us.

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i hated this chapter wow

so much drama

i just really wanted to get this up

so basically ashton freaked out and calums bein weird and michael just wants to sleep and luke wants to cuddle paisley and paisley has no idea what she's doing with her life

so yeah thank you tO EVERYONE STILL READING I KNOW IM AWFUL AT UPDATING BUT IM DOING MY BEST

i love you all a whole big lot okay

-jess

p.s. if you wanna drop a comment that would be greatly appreciated because those make me happy ((: