Ashton’s P.O.V
"What the heck, man?!" Michael yelled, hitting the back of my head. I sighed, not even bothering to hit him back. I deserved it.
"I understand you don't like her, but you don't have to physically hurt her!" Calum chimed in angrily. "I didn't mean to!" I shouted in defense. "I didn't purposely push her that hard! I just wanted her off of me!"
Silently, Luke got out of the car, slamming the door and jogging in the same way Paisley had. I rolled my eyes. Here he was, being her Prince Charming. He did know it was all fake, right?
“It doesn’t matter if you meant to or not, you still did it.” Calum spat, folding his arms over his chest. I didn’t know why they were so mad. It wasn’t like them and Paisley had become best friends. “Why do you care so much?” I found myself asking, a bit of jealousy slipping into my tone. I was a bit hurt, I’ll admit, that they’d take her side over mine after only just meeting her, whether I was truly in the wrong or not.
“Because it’s not like you, dude,” Michael said, his tone less firm than Calum’s. “We’re just trying to understand it.”
“Well I don’t know why I hurt her like I do,” I admitted, my gaze casted on my hands. “I don’t mean to... I swear I don’t. She just makes me so mad!” “She doesn’t even speak to you, Ashton! How can she make you mad if she’s silent?!” “I...I don’t know okay?! I’m sorry I’m not perfect!”
Calum scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I’m not asking you to be perfect. But what you did was seriously wrong, and you’re making no effort to go fix it.”
Deciding he was right, I pushed myself out of the car, sighing. “Fine. I’ll go check on her and apologize.” “Thank you,” Calum replied, satisfied with himself. Rolling my eyes, I jogged onto the bus.
I could hear her crying in the bathroom, Luke’s voice humming out condolences, so I decided to wait for him to leave to go talk to her. He’d just lecture me again and I didn’t want that. Luke lectures were the worst.
Besides, I intended on going in there and making things right. Luke's presence would only get in the way. He'd be all over her, acting as her knight in shining armor. It wasn't hard to tell he had developed feelings for her, and I wasn't surprised. Though I'd never admit it, Paisley was practically perfect. She had an incredibly sweet personality, a nice sense of humor, and she wasn't bad looking at all. In fact, she was quite stunning. Luke didn't deserve her.
I pushed these thoughts away. If Luke liked her, so what? It doesn't matter to me. He can like whoever he wants.
Finally, about half an hour later, the bathroom door clicked open and Luke ran off the bus and into the car. It sped off as soon as the door had shut behind him. Taking a deep breath, I stood up and stretched. An anxious feeling sat in the pit of my stomach. “You’ll be fine,” I muttered, starting towards the bathroom. “Just apologize and get out of there before you have the opportunity to mess up.”
The bathroom door wasn’t fully shut, so all I had to do was nudge it for it to open. The image in front of me caused my heart to plummet to the pit of my stomach. “Paisley?!”
She stood with a blade in her hand, carefully tracing the metal. At the sound of my voice, it slipped from her fingers into the sink. “Wh-what...what is that?!” My voice came out harsher than I had intended, resulting in her wincing. “I wasn’t planning on using it,” she defended quickly, her voice soft as she subconsciously ran her hands over her wrist. “I just found it...” “That’s not what it looked like!” I accused.
“Well that’s what it was, Ashton! Why do you even care?!” I was shocked at her rise of tone. Granted, she had become quite a bit more confident since we were in high school, however it was still odd to hear her fight back. While I slightly admired her change in attitude, it only angered me more.
“I don’t,” I replied coldly, my gaze on her hardening. “I honestly expected this from you. You’ve always been a freak.” (A/N no one who self harms is a freak. this was simply for the story. every single one of you, self harming or not, are absolutely beautiful and wonderful okay) She opened her mouth as if to reply, however quickly shut it and moved past me, her expression unreadable. I wanted to stop her from leaving; to apologize to her and make things right. "Paisley, I-"
“Please just do me a favor and leave me alone,” she whispered, shutting me up. Forgetting my previous intentions, I harshly spat, “I...f-fine. Whatever you want, freak.”
She just shook her head as a tear slipped down her face, running into the main part of the bus. I slammed my hand down on the sink, cursing under my breath. What was wrong with me?! I came in here hoping to make things better, and just like every other time, I completely mucked things up...I hurt her even more...
(WARNING: MAY BE SLIGHTLY TRIGGERING. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THE SUBJECT OF SELF HARM IS A TOUCHY TOPIC.)
My gaze switched over to the shiny metal that still sat in the sink. Carefully picking it up, I stared down at it. Despite the rumors circulating about me regarding this topic, I’d never before self harmed. I’d known people who had and I’d seen it’s affects on people. I knew how it completely ripped people apart. What starts as a way to release pain becomes an addiction; a life-threatening one, at that. But I guess that’s what some people are going for.
With these thoughts in mind, I slipped it into my pocket and left the bathroom.
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yikes. not sure how i feel about this chapter. also, just so i can get a feel for how many of you read this, comment 'i love you like a big fish' if you're reading thissss
i'd like to quickly clarify that fictional ashton DOES NOT WANT TO DIE. i can see how it could be taken that way, but he's not suicidal. he was taking the blade so Pais couldn't hurt herself with it, as he doens't trust her when she says she wasn't planning on using it. neither will not die at any point in this fanfiction.
to anyone struggling with self harm or suicidal thoughts, please please remember that it does get better. keep telling yourself it will be better tomorrow. and even if it isn't better tomorrow, there will be a better tomorrow eventually. keep your head up, you've got this. i believe in you.
I KNOW THIS CHAPTER WAS REALLY SERIOUS AND KINDA SHORT but i just needed to get it out of the way. the rest of the story from this point on, excluding a few exceptions, will be longer and very very fun and random because it has 5sos in it and they're very very fun and random hehe
aaand, minor spoiler alert; a certain two characters will be getting very close in the near future...*insert ship names for Paisley and Luke and Paisley and Ashton here*
okay thats allll have a good dayyyy and remember i love you and the boys love you and your sunshine loves you and everything will be so good, so soon, i promise(:
-jess
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who are you // ashton irwin
Fanfic"what do you want?" i mumbled, my voice coated in ice. "well a sign of acknowledgement might be nice," he countered, his eyebrows furrowed together. "i know i was horrible to you, but that was years ago. i've changed." i gave him an incredulous loo...
