The Great Book of One-Shots

Loss

So, I'm back and I brought some angst~

Tbh, this was one of the fics I had on my old phone and am only now getting around to rewriting. It's a bit different that it originally was, but - as much as I miss the first version - I think it turned out alright.

Also, the seemingly-irrelevant picture is something I couldn't resist adding. You'll either understand it or be lucky that you don't xD

Warning: (spoiler alert) miscarriage, depression, self blame 

Enjoy!

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Ian and Ben had only been dating for a few weeks when Ben found out he was pregnant. They had been overjoyed at the news and didn't waste time telling their friends and family. They had made videos about it telling their fans and had a nursery set up in the room next to their's before they knew it.

The couple felt happier than ever before and couldn't wait to meet their baby. So, it was reasonable that they both freaked out when their cuddles on the couch turned to Ben clutching at his stomach, a sudden, horrible pain hitting him.

It didn't take long for Ian to get his lover to let him take him to the hospital and, a short ride later, they were there. Instantly, they were brought back to an exam room and given the worst news possible.

Miscarriage.

The word echoed and bounced around Ben's mind as tears ran down his face. He couldn't hear over his own thoughts and the pounding of his heart in his chest. His whole body felt numb and he almost wasn't aware of the doctors and nurses moving around him, helping him through the process.

He cried from the moment he heard the accursed word to the moment he was allowed to go home and cried even more there. He cried and cried and blamed himself nonstop. His fault. His fault. His fault. The words echoed in his mind and only served as a reminder as to why he was crying in the first place.

Of course, Ian tried to cheer him up but there's wasn't much he could do when he was just about as devastated as the smaller. So, he decided to just hide away all the things that hurt to look at and shut the door to the nursery - a door that they wouldn't even be able to look at it for what seemed like ages.

Ages, in which, Ben developed bad depression and didn't want to do anything other than lay in bed and occasionally cry. He'd only ever eat after the older begged him to and would only shower if he was dragged in by his lover. After all, he didn't see a reason why those things were all that important anymore.

He was the reason they lost their baby. He was the one who took their family away. If he had done that, then he didn't deserve to be treated like a normal person.

Of course, Ian was depressed too. Though, unlike Ben, he was still functional and had enough control over his emotions to push them aside and help his struggling boyfriend. He made himself do the things he normally would and made himself hang out with friends. He would smile and joke and laugh, even if it was fake.

So, it was only natural that he got over the incident first. He was able to go on with his life and, with the help of therapy, slowly got Ben to move on too. Though, the smaller never fully went back to who he was before; there was always a certain darkness around him that just wouldn't go away. 

Sure he would smile and giggle like he used to before, but there was always something off about him. A little part deep down that couldn't let go of the baby that could of been.

Years passed and the couple found themselves happily married. They lived happy lives in their happy house and never once mentioned the topic of kids or having a family.