The Outsiders x Reader

Anxiety (Soda)

Written by: https://steveandsoda.tumblr.com/post/174562443672/my-anxiety-is-really-bad-lately-so-i-needed-to

You shut your eyes tightly to hold in the tears threatening to spill over. Y/N doesn't cry. I don't cry, you repeated to yourself in your head. A sob was threatening to come out, but you forced it down and chewed on your lip.

You'd locked yourself in the dark bathroom and are now huddling in the corner, hugging your own knees. Darkness was the only thing that could calm you down during an attack, but right now it wasn't helping at all. Your mind was racing; thoughts chattering incessantly inside of your head. You're ugly. You're stupid. No one even likes you. Why can't you do anything right? You buried your face in between your knees, and the tears in your eyes began to spill over, splashing onto your pants. You finally allowed yourself to cry, really cry- with ugly sobs racking your entire body.

"Y/N?" you heard from outside of the bathroom. You immediately stopped making noise and clamped a hand over your mouth. "Doll, are ya here?" Your heart swelled at Soda's voice, but you were so, so afraid hat he would find you. That he would see you in this state, that you would worry him. That was your biggest fear: being a burden on the man you loved so dearly.

You stayed silent, hoping that he'd stop his search for you and give you time to freshen up before meeting him. You heard his footsteps walk past the bathroom and let out a sigh of relief - only for the sound of footsteps to get louder.

"Y/N?" Soda said, swinging open the door. You put your arms on your knees and hid your face before mumbling a reply to him.

"Hi."

"Whatcha doin' in here, doll?"

"Soda, can you give me a minute please?" you sniffled.

The ensuing silence seemed deafening. Soda spoke up softly. "D-Doll? Are you cryin'?"

When you didn't reply, you heard Soda shuffling towards you. You felt heat radiating from his body as he sat next to you, placing a comforting arm around your shoulder. You refused to lift your head; you didn't want his movie start blue eyes looking into your puffy red crybaby ones.

"Y/N, look at me please," Soda pleaded, his voice cracking. Slowly, you lifted your head and looked at his face. His mouth hardened, his eyebrows scrunched together, and you knew his heart was breaking from just seeing you. You could see it in his eyes. "Why are ya cryin', baby? Is it your anxiety again?"

You nodded slowly before putting your face back in your arms again. You couldn't bear to look at Soda. You couldn't bear to see him so worried, a frown across his beautiful face. "You shouldn't be with someone like me, Soda," you mumbled.

"Don't say dumb stuff like that. I'm the stupid one here, not you."

"No! It's true!" you shout suddenly, lifting your face up and looking directly at Soda. "You're Sodapop Curtis, the most beautiful face and soul in Tulsa, and even Oklahoma. You're always happy, laughing and smiling, you get drunk off of just plain living! You can make anyone smile, and you don't care about what others think of you! Me? I'm a nobody and I care too much and I'm never happy. I'm not as pretty as Evie or Sylvia, or any of the other girls. I'm always holding you back from having fun, with my stupid anxiety attacks. And I'm sorry!" Hot tears start streaming down your face; you hated crying in front of Soda. And you knew he hated seeing you cry too.

"Y/N," Soda said, anger in his voice. He glared at you, and for a second, you were scared.

"What."

"How dare you say that about yourself. How dare you tell me that I'm too good for you or that you aren't as beautiful as the other girls. How dare you," he seethed. He took a deep breath and started talking again. "It makes me so, so angry when you say stuff like that, doll. 'Cuz you're made for me and I'm made for you, there ain't nothin' else to it."

"But-"

"There ain't no if, ands, or buts about it, baby doll. Lemme ask ya something, does Evie dig books like you do?"

"No she doesn-"

"And does Sylvia look as cute as you do when you're focused on somethin'? Does she get along with my brothers like you do? Lemme answer that for you, no. And lemme ask you this: do any of the other girls in Tulsa have my undivided and unconditional love?"

"I hope not," you mumbled.

"They sure as hell don't. So you can shut your trap about you not deserving me or whatever. Cause it ain't true, it just ain't. And I don't care if you don't think so or the gang don't think so or the damn President of the United States don't think so, because I think so." Soda looked intently into your eyes. "I love you and all of you. Ain't nothing else to it."

"I love you too, Soda," you said quietly. You stretched up and planted a kiss on his cheek before shrinking back down and snuggling into his side. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Pepsi-Cola."

"And I sure as hell wouldn't know what to do without you," Soda replied instantly. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you in closer. You thought you could stay in that dark bathroom, safe in Soda's arms, for just about forever and ever. "Now lemme see a smile from you."

And slowly, the corners of your mouth turned upward. And Soda fell in love all over again.