Psych.

Step.

I had decided to take a hold of new opportunities. To embrace independence and try new things. Even things that struck a bit of fear into my very core. A risk if you would call it that. I had left my comfort zone behind in order to seek new possibilities. Once again. I got a sort of high from experiencing the new flow of life. But I also wanted to crawl back to my safe place and shut everything out. The strongest fight was and always had been myself. As many can agree. But what was the use in sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Woah is me, my situation isn't the best. But at least I am somewhere and that, my friend, is something to appreciate.
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Today is Christmas day. A day that overflows with joy and warmth, despite the cold Winter weather.
I happen to dislike Christmas. How dare I, right? Why? Why don't I like this wonderful day of presents and love? I guess now I could bunch it into many reasons. Trauma, loneliness, tackiness, sadness. The list goes on. I am alone in a room full of people. It's been like that for a long time.
"No one can always be there for you. Let's be honest. People have lives to live. They are not your guardians. So stand up and hold yourself up." I spoke to myself in a harsh tone as I stared in the mirror at the dark circles under my eyes and a face that seemed 6 feet deep. I was tired, exhausted. The cold water I splashed on my face bit me as I reeled back and shivered. I not only disliked Christmas, but I disliked Winter all together. I couldn't bring myself to understand why a person would like cold weather, it was dreadful. Why would someone enjoy their fingertips going numb and shivering uncontrollably. Or maybe it was just me.
I shut off the water and made my way to the kitchen. I wasn't home. Everyone was still asleep on the living room floor. We had been drinking the night before. I shook my head as I remembered our activities. As I walked into the kitchen, I grabbed a water bottle then went back into the living room to grab my belongings. I didn't want to stick around for the rest of the holiday cheer. I flung my leather jacket on and twirled my keys around my fingers, waving goodbye to the sleeping bunch and slipping out the door.
As soon as the freezing air hit my face, I regretted everything. I wanted to be back home in my bed wrapped in 3 blankets and hugging Arthur.
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Oh. Arthur. It's been a while huh? I guess I should explain. Arthur is a giant stuffed wolf plushie that my boyfriend sent me.
B o y f r i e n d.
Something I never thought I would actually have and successfully keep around. It's been a hot minute since he stepped into my life. And honestly. He's wonderful.
But i'd be lying if I said we don't have our ups and downs. We think very similarly. Insecurities and all. Which makes things bit difficult. But we also love each other and don't want to be apart. With this one, I like working to get better. I have patience. I see something in him that he doesn't even see in himself. And vice versa. So as difficult as we may be, we fit.
And I can't wait to have him in my arms.
So if he's reading this. Hi. Goober. I love you in every sense of the word.
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