Psych.

Greng-jai

Loss is in the air.
Feb. 3rd, 2018
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February is a peculiar month. It is Black History Month, it holds Valentine's Day, and it happens to be the birth month of many in my family — including me.
It should be a great month to celebrate. Right? Well aside from all the heartbroken saps. The only heartbreak I suffered was losing my truck. "Material things shouldn't matter." Well, no, but this one did.
One of the many reasons why I dislike winter is the snow. Snow is beautiful when you're sitting inside your house, warm and cozy, watching it drift down peacefully whilst drinking a cup of tea or cocoa or whatever you like. Snow isn't beautiful when you're driving through it and can't even see the road.
In my case, I had been driving home, my instincts screaming that somehow I wouldn't make it. The snow had begun to fall only 30 minutes ago, but it had coated and frozen the roads already. My truck was amazing to drive in anything but ice and snow. So I drove slowly. Carefully. But Winter couldn't care less. My truck began to slide and despite my attempts to control everything, it tilted and flipped. I flipped three times across the road in a way that the bystanders thought I had died. But alas, I don't die that easily. I landed in a ditch and finally came to a stop. I was pretty beat up, but not broken. My truck, on the other hand, was totaled.
That truck had been with me through everything. It was my safety blanket. It was my root of escape. Now I was alone with a bunch of worried strangers. I thank those strangers for helping me by calling emergency services. Without them, I would've been lost.
I didn't go to the hospital. I refused to be charged for information I already knew. I wasn't broken. But I did spend the next week in agonizing pain. That didn't stop me from working. I'm alone. Nobody else is going to do my job. I need to go on with my life.
That accident made me feel like a disappointment. It made me feel small and useless again. Everyone tells me that there is nothing I can do and that I shouldn't dwell. But I totaled my favorite thing in the face of Winter. I don't have the money to pay for that. I don't have a nice cushion to fall back on. I'm not supposed to do anything wrong. I don't have room for mistakes and this was like setting the house on fire in my eyes. Yes, I am being dramatic, but take a second to view things from my point of view. I have nothing. Even if it seems like I do. I don't even have my peace of mind.
But I guess this calls for a fresh start.