A Million Crushes

15

15
Leah

Tears didn't fall. I didn't feel the sense of despair I was expecting to course through me. No. Nothing.
''How'd it go?'' My mother asked.
''Wonderful actually'' I replied smiling fully at my mother. That alone indicated that something was very wrong.
''That means that your daughter just assassinated my step-brother in a car park'' Zach said to my mother.
''You know me to well'' I said. 

A smile broke out on his face.

''And don't I know it'' He sung. We all laughed, at Zach's non-existent singing skills. It felt nice to not be crying over boy's. I wasn't crying physically when I was in my coma, but I was crying inside, I was screaming for help. I felt so alone, isolated from the world. I was locked up inside my self. The car journey was short and since I'd been counting seconds.. The car journey was 1200 seconds and Zach was pulling into the drive-way.
''I do get to stay for dinner, right?'' I threw a weak punch at Zach's shoulder.
''Nooo'' I whined. ''Stop torturing me''.
''Of course you can stay for dinner.     You can even stay the night!'' My mother squealed, clasping her hands together.
''Leslie, nooo'' I cried as I dragged my very tired body towards my house.
''How could you not want me to stay?'' Zach whispered, wiping a fake tear. Though I'm not entirely sure it was fake.
''Be nice'' My mother warned. Zach flashed me a charming smile before striding into the living room.
''It's beautiful!'' Zach cried, stroking the white rug that was right in the middle of the room.
''We practically stole it from my grandma'' I sated blankly. I could feel a headache beginning to form so I excused myself to the upper room. I flopped unto my bed. I hadn't slept in it for 3 months, instead I was in a steel hospital bed which probably contained bacteria that was undiscovered. I sighed, and buried my face into my fluffy pink pillow.
''I'm glad your back, Leah'' A voice said. I turned towards the doorway and there Zach was leaning against the door frame.
''Sometimes I wondered what it would be like, if I never woke up'' I whispered.
''Don't say that'' Zach said, shakily. He walked over to were I was lying down and sat on the edge of my bed.
''I hate him'' I said. Zach nodded. It was clear who I was talking about. Who else would I hate with such a sincere passion that I began to doubt my humanity.
''He does care about you, Leah'' Zach said. 

I rolled my eyes.

''Here we go again!''
''Leah, I'm sorry, but I have to tell you something''
Let the blame game begin.
''We-we where talking one day and he thought he saw you'' Zach said quietly, his voice hovering just above a whisper.
''What?''
''He thought that you were at the doorway. He said that you melted into the ground. He tried to get you out-
''What are you talking about?'' I snapped.
''I-i think he's suffering too, Leah.'' 
Conor

It didn't work. I continued to see her everywhere, in everything I did. Every voice I heard seemed to morph into that of Leah's, she had completely taken me in. 

I allowed my breathing to become regular again, and looked down at my hands, which was now a bloody mess. I ran my fingers through my messy blonde locks, not caring that I was staining it with blood. I had already accomplished that nothing I could do would bring Leah back to me. I was bad for her. She deserved happiness, something I could never give her.

''Conor?'' Melissa placed a hand on my shoulder.
''I'm so sorry, Melissa but I-i-''
''You love Leah? It's fine Conor. I was kidding myself when I thought you could ever look at me the way you look at Leah'' She said. I nodded my head. She was so understanding, something I'd never experienced in my life.

''Bye Conor'' Melissa smiled and walked away. Everyone in this life was better off without me. I was feeling so damn suicidal it was scary. I wanted to change. To be perfect, just for Leah. But I couldn't help being me. I did the craziest thing I could think of. I made my way to the tattoo studio.

The studio stunk of alcohol and ink and the guy behind the till didn't look very promising. I wasn't really a tattoo guy, but I wanted to do this. For Leah.
''Whatchya want?'' The man said, scratching his beard. Pieces of food were evident in it and I was beginning to have second thoughts.
''I'd like a tattoo'' I snapped, rolling my eyes. This was a tattoo shop, right?
''Lance!'' The man said, pointing to a man with tattoos on his head. 

I took a seat in the black leather chair.

''What tattoo would yah like, son?'' He asked.
''Can I have a tattoo that says the name Leah please and today's date in italics.'' I replied.
''Your girlfriend is she?''

''None of your damn business.'' I rolled my eyes, fucking nosy punk.

Lance quickly changed the subject.

''Were do yah want it?'' He asked. I turned around.

''At the bottom of my back'' I said. 

He got out his electric ink pen and began to engrave the name 'Leah' into my skin. It was very painful at first, but then the pen began to glide very easily over my skin. It didn't take very long and soon the guy was wrapping a thin bandage over it.

''Should take yah 3 day's to heal.'' He said.
''25 dollars, son.''

 I handed him the crisp notes and made a quick exit. I didn't want to remain there any longer. My tattoo had Leah's name in big bold italics and beneath it was. 25.10.14. The day Leah woke up.

Leah

''I want you Leah, ok, damn I love you ! He's a monster, why can't you see that?'' Zach cried.

 I wouldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. In what fucked up world was this kinda thing allowed to happen?

How is that even possible? I shook my head. The thoughts wouldn't leave they kept creeping under my skin. I didn't want to hurt anyone. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't ask for any of this.

''No.'' I muttered to myself. I put my hands over my ears, hoping to drown my thoughts back into the pit in my soul.

''Listen to me!!'' Zach screamed. ''I love you.'' He took my wrists and tried to pull them away from my ears.
''No!'' I shrieked, pushing him away from me.
''Leah, I need you!'' Zach cried desperately.
''This is what you wanted!!'' I bellowed. ''You made me believe that Conor wanted nothing to do with me! He suffered as much as I did!!''
''Leah, no, I- this isn't-'' Zach tugged at his hair in frustration.

''Leah? Zach?'' A quiet whisper came from the hall way. I turned to my mother.

''Make him leave'' I said to her, before escorting myself to the bathroom.