This isn't a crush, its obsession. You are never not in my thoughts. Your scent carries across a room and paralyzes me with longing. I dont want to hold your hand. Part of me wants to set you on fire and hold you while the fire consumes us both, to eat your heart so i know that
only I possess it entirely.
10/22/18 The day i regret everything, the day i lost the person as Amica mea, my home.
It is the day where we decided na tanggapin na lang.
He said he wanted to meet me for the last time. And at the same time, a goodbyes.
It pained me thinking na sana di na lang matapos ang araw na ito, nang sa ganon ay walang hiwalayang magaganap. But nothings gonna happen kahit magmakaawa ka sa diyos. Life should be continues,same as sun continues to shine.
Afternoon came, after class. We must proceed to the meet up plans. Pagkakita pa lang natin we both know we dont want these things to happen. I can see it in your face and through your eyes, that you're trying to be strong and not broke down for me.
We have this routine that every time we see each other, may kiss ako sa forehead and exchange bags.
But the moment our eyes lock, 'baby wait' trying to reach my forehead and exchanging bags. But i refused, you asked 'why?' Then i replied politely
"Wag moko sanayin love, masakit"
It pained me seeing you froze at the moment, but still continued to walk with me without talking. We both know silence was the right thing to do that time, kasi it hurts to talk na ang ending ay goodbye. God knows how i wanted to not end the day, and so do you.
We had reached church and we are still silent till we got in chair, silence and silently prayed. You were silently crying too, masakit sa damdamin at mata. 20 mins have passed and you tried to hold my hand still crying covering your face with a towel. God knows how i tried to pigil my tears hearing you and seeing you cry, but i cant lie anymore. I broke down beside you, covered my mouth trying not to escape any sob.
You gave your towel trying to wipe my tears and hugged me. (I appreciate that)
The way you hugged me tight parang gusto ko na lang na iuwi ka. But that wont happen, not now. I broke the silence saying 'uwi na tayo' but you said 'no sinusulit ko pa' i cried again ramdam na ramdam ko bawat salitang binibitawan mo.
'Can we keep it secret na lang instead of breaking up with me? I can tiis na we cant talk, wag lang magbago ang status na im your girl and you're mine.' I beg
'Mahirap love, girlfriend kita pero di nmn kita nkakausap. Kung pwede lang piliin kita gagawin ko ngayon palang, kung kaya ko lang lumayas gagawin ko total di nmn anak turing sakin. Ikaw lang nkakaintindi sakin love.' He cried
By that a sob escaped my mouth and tears flow down continuously, pero di nya kayang umalis sa kanila. Kasi still utang na loob ang pagpapaaral skanya.
'Di na ba kita mapipigilan?' I said
'I'm sorry baby, hintayin moko please' He said
'Gaano katagal?' I said while sobbing silently
'Di ko alam but please, ako lang mahal. Please!' He said while unti unting bumibigay ang boses at pigil iyak
'Not too long love please? Dont left me hanging for too long, di ko kaya ng super tagal' I said
'Babalik ako, basta babalik ako dapat ako parin. Di ako maghahanap gusto ko ikaw lang.' He said holding my hand tighter
