My South Park Headcanons and Opinions

Cartman's sexuality

When the boys and girls are teens, everyone is out of the closet. Everyone except Cartman XD

The others can all clearly tell he's bi, but Cartman is a tsundere XD

They all tell him no one will judge him but he still insists he's straight.

As a kid, Cartman picked on Wendy occasionally (Dances with Smurfs, Breast Cancer show ever, and the one where he says "Boo Wendy Testaburger boo" (can't remember what episode that was sorry XD)) because his feelings for her from Chef Goes Nanners still lingered, but he expressed it like an obnoxious ten year old boy would express a crush on a girl, through teasing and insulting her.

He may or may not like Butters, but only in a sexual way because of looking at Butters' you know what in the condom episode and TMI where he compliments Butters. Cartman sucks was more just Cartman trying to humiliate Butters rather than actually wanting to do that stuff to him =_=

Kahl is clearly his biggest prioritah (;p) but Cartman is so messed up in the head that he doesn't understand what he's actually feeling.

(ps. i actually don't like sexual South Park shipping, but the stuff i said above canonically happened in episodes so i kinda had to mention it xP)

oh yeah and Cartman canonically draws porn of his classmates (and Sheila for some reason??) in TFBW. And remember the episode where he matchmade Token and Nichole because they were both black? and the scene where it was heavily implied he also matchmade two other kids of the same race? now think back to "The Ring" I'm not necessarily saying that he set up Kenny and Tammy, although it's very possible he did :3 at the very least he commented on how their relationship is "kinda beautiful" because they're both poor. so even back in season 13, Cartman thought that people who were the same belonged together. that's not really a huge discussion point, i just felt like mentioning it :P