Feelings ( A Chris Brown Story )

4

Chris

For the past few weeks, Tiff and I have been trying us out. Ain't shit changed though. Except for the fact that I get to kiss her and grab her ass whenever I want. But other than that, we still act the same around each other.

I wanted to put a label on us, nothing like the boyfriend/girlfriend title, but something else. I was thinking friends with benefits but we not even fucking. Everytime we come close to it, she just shuts me down.

I'm fine with that I just wanted to know why. I don't want her to feel like I'm rushing things and just wanna get in her pants and that's it, but she should know me by now and although that's how I treat the girls I been with; she should know I wouldn't do that to her.

Sometimes I just feel like we in it for different reasons. I was willing to take things slow with her because I could actually see myself settling down with Tiff. And if things were to work out with us I would end up being the happiest person in the world. With her, even though she did confess her feelings first, it's like she be having second thoughts.

She don't even want our friends knowing what's going on between us so when we're around them I have to act like these feelings don't exist and it's the hardest thing to do. It's like she's ashamed of me or what people might say or think about her if they find out we basically together.

She might not actually feel this way, but the vibes she gives me tells me that she does. At least the hoes I fucked with were proud to tell everyone about us, even when I told them after this quick fuck we through.

This just makes me think about when she told me that she doesn't wanna have the feelings that she does for me.

A part of me wants to talk to her about it, but I rather tell another female and hear what she has to say.

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After school that day, I invited a friend of mine named Amber over. I told her everything from start to finish, making sure to leave nothing out.

"I think that you should just talk to her and she should understand where you're coming from." She said sitting across from me in my living room. "But it also sounds like to me that you want that title of having her as your girlfriend. You might say you don't want it, but I can tell that you do."

"It would be nice to actually have a girlfriend, but I feel like having that title will just make me wanna mess everything up. I like being single for the simple fact that I got to be with who I want when I wanted and no one could say anything about it, and if they did, it was just fuck them at the end of the day."

She nodded her head. "True, but let me ask you this... have you done anything with anyone during these past few weeks?" I started to think about what she just asked me, even though I already knew the answer. "Not at all, I haven't even thought about being with anyone but her."

"Well then, there's your answer. Talk to her about how you're feeling and bring up actually making things official. If things happen to work out, whenever you do feel like you're about to slip up, talk to her about it. And if it so happens that you end up fucking things up, tell her before anyone else gets the chance to."

She was right, I had to talk to Tiffany, and fast.

After Amber left it was going on 10 at night. Even though it was getting late, I called up Tiff telling her that we needed to talk and it couldn't wait.

Tiffany

Once Chris called me, I instantly got out of bed. He told me to meet him at the park by our school and said the conversation wouldn't take long. I don't know what he possibly could want to talk about, it must be important since he said we needed to discuss it now.

It was perfect timing for me though. Before Chris called, my mind was filled with thoughts on what Chris and I decided to do. I wanted to talk to him about us, but I don't know how he's going to take it let alone what his reaction will be.

I snuck downstairs, trying to make as little noise possible, and got in my car. For the first time I could remember, I was actually nervous about something.

My heart began racing as I got closer to the park and I even thought about turning around a few times. I'm not worried about myself in this situation. I'm more concerned with Chris. What if he doesn't feel the same way I do?

A part of me wants the both of us to feel the same way so it'll make this conversation easier, but I have a feeling that we're both on two different sides of the fence when it comes to how we feel.

I pulled up to the park and turned my car off, I didn't see Chris anywhere so I decided to wait there until he came. A few minutes later, I heard light knocking on my window. I opened the door and stood there, admiring his face structure. "Let's go sit on the bench." He said, grabbing my hand.

As soon as we sat down, I wasted no time. "I have some things to say myself, but since you called me; you start." He pulled me closer to him and sat in between my legs as I straddled him.

"I asked myself numerous times from the moment I called you right up until now how I was gonna say what I'm about to, but I couldn't think of anything. So imma just let the words come out and hopefully they make sense." He paused for a moment before continuing again.

"I just wanna tell you that these feelings I have for you are real, and the whole time we've been doing this I haven't been with or even thought about another girl. All I think about is you, but sometimes I just feel like I'm the only one with these feelings. I know you said you felt something for me, but I get the impression that you don't feel the same way I do."

"Chris I.." I went to interrupt but he held his hand up. "Before you say anything, regardless of who might feel what for the other, it doesn't change anything. I want you to be my girl, Tiffany. Let's make this official."

I looked at him, shocked. I wasn't expecting this to happen at all. "Say something, please." He spoke.

"I can't." I shook my head, feeling tears run down my cheek. "I can't deny my feelings for you but I think this whole thing was a mistake. I can't risk ruining our friendship and I don't want to get hurt. You could be saying one thing now, but I know your actions will prove us both wrong."

He clenched his jaw and I could tell he was upset. We sat there in the same position, silent, until he got up. He didn't even say goodbye, he just walked away and never once looked back.