Dealing with Depression- SoarinDash

Getting Worse

-Rainbow Dash POV-

Three weeks past and things haven't much better for me. But, hey, didn't expect them to be. And I should probably say, being a model pays way to much.

Me and my family even moved into a larger house and hired a maid. It was also closer to Soarins home so their was practically no escaping him.

Right now, I was walking down the halls of CHS avoiding eye contact with anyone but keeping my head up with a small natural looking smile so no one would ask what was wrong.

"Rainbow Dash!" then the smile became genuine as I heard my might-as-well-be sister, Scootaloo, coming. I turned in her direction and saw her coming at full speed on her Scooter with Applebloom and Sweetie Belle right behind.

Scootaloo put her scooter against the wall of lockers as I went down to her height and we hugged. I felt a small ping of joy as she was in my embrace. She was one of the few things that could make me feel that way.

We broke the hug after a few moments and I smiled at her. "How's it going Squirt?"

She gave me a smug look then replied, "Awesome! And you gave me some great advice for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. I showed them who's boss!"

Applebloom chuckled, "That's an understatement. I doubt that anyone can ever call her chicken ever again!"

I smiled again remembering how she told me a few months ago about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon bullying her and the other two but mainly her. I told her to show them who's boss and she did. The stunt she pulled was on YouTube mear hours after she succeeded. Plus, I can't let her become like me. I need to keep my Depression a secret from her at all costs.

"Yeah. I heard about your little trick. Just a small question. Was that ramp supposed to be on fire?"

She blushed, "I know you told me not to hurt myself while showing them that I'm not a chicken but it was completely safe. Promise. And we had around ten fire extinguishers just in case"

I chuckled, "That's good. Just remember, you should always aim high. But if you aim for the impossible then you'll only end up disappointed."

We heard the one minute warning bell ring saying we needed to get in class right now. "Better get to class. You might not be a chicken in their eyes anymore but I'd hate for then to start making fun of your grades cause you're to busy thinking about how viral your video went."

She shrugged, "Probably right. Let's go girls. See ya around Rainbow!"

We waved as she got her scooter and went to class.

As she left so did any emotions I might have felt. "Trust me sis." I said only loud enough for me to hear. "I've been there. You don't want to end up like I am."

I went to class even though I knew it was useless. I was too dumb to be able to have any hope with this.

-Time Skip-

"And, that's a rap!" The photographer said and I sighed in relief jumping down from the tree I was in for the photo shoot in the park.

They were trying to advertise a floral Autom sent and felt that being in a tree would help somehow. Thank goodness I didn't need to be up their for long.

The park opened back up to the public and I decided to stay since being outside with a cool breeze helped me relax.

I sat next to a big tree and took a deep breath. I was glad this outfit was warm cause it was getting colder by the week. I rested my head against the trunk closing my eyes letting the cold air in my lungs.

"Rainbow Trash!" I groaned inwardly as Trixie came up to me looking angry. "Explain This!"

She shoved a magazine in my face and I had to bring it farther away so I could see it properly. It was a picture of me and Soarin avritizing a couple design. I'll admit, we did look like a couple. Hopefully no one would think we actually were outside of Trixie.

"Soarin forced me to be his business partner. Don't worry, we're not together and probably never will be. We just posed together for a picture. We'll most likely do it again but it'll never mean..."

She obviously didn't believe me as she slapped my cheek that probably would cause a red mark if I wasn't wearing foundation. It hurt but I wouldn't let it show as she stormed away. Not wanting her to come back with backup, I walked out of the park planning to go back home, but then I heard something Soarin warned me I might start hearing.

Gaspes and squeles were heard behind me and I cautiously looked behind me to see some people running towards me. Guess that if you pose with Soarin Skies everyone automatically knows who you are and track down your face.

Groaning and wanting to be left alone, I ran around the town for a while tiring them out before quickly going home through the backyard.

I sneaked to my room before my parents could see me and I hoped that they'd forget to make sure I ate dinner. I put on some music while doing some exercises for a few minutes until I heard a knock on my door. So I paused the music and walked over to the door.

But when I opened it and saw it was mom with a plate of food, let's just say that I had to force a smile again...

"Hey Sweetie! I noticed you went to bed without eating. So I brought it up for you!"

"Thanks mom!" I took the plate from her, "I'll just eat it up here if you don't mind."

"Alright. But I want you to bring down a empty plate before your go to sleep."

I nodded. "Will do." And I closed the door quickly.

I looked down at the plate in front of me sad. The chicken on the plate looked so tempting. The roasted smell combined with the seasoning on the cauliflower practically begging me to taste the dish still warm from the store. Since when did cauliflower seem so delicious?

Tears came to my eyes as I brought the dish to my trash can. "I'm sorry you waste so much money on me." I whispered as I used the fork I had to push the meal I so desperately wanted into the bin. "But I don't deserve anything any of you give me."

Yes. I did want to eat. But I couldn't bring myself to do that.

I decided to change before bringing my plate down to the kitchen and washing it so it wouldn't look suspicious that I 'ate it' so quickly.

I took of my shirt revealing large scars on my arms and sides. Both Sunset and Soarin started to check my arms every day in private to make sure I didn't cut anymore so I cut my sides instead. They'd never understand. It wasn't just a punishment anymore. It was a way to distract myself from my thoughts.

I'd focus more on the pain than my thoughts providing me temporary emotional relief before escaping into thoughtless sleep.

My ribs also began to show more recently and only became more visible as time went on. I also seemed to be getting more sensitive around that area due to not being covered by a layer of fat, but even with this, I couldn't bring myself to even eat a single chip for fear of becoming fat once again.

I covered all this with a long sleeved pyjama shirt and put on some pajama pants and brought my plate down, rinsing it, and putting it in the dishwasher before quickly going up to my room.

I sliced my sides a couple times, showered, plugged in my phone, then finally was able to sleep.