'ᵀᴵᴸ ᴰᴱᴬᵀᴴ ᴰᴼ ᵁˢ ᴬᴿᵀ

7

• play song while reading •

March 25, 1991

I inhaled the now-familiar-to-me hospital smell.

I hadn't spoke to SeSe, Marie, or daddy since yesterday and I know they've been worried sick.

I decided to wait until I checked out of the hospital to go back but knew I couldn't wait that long.

I looked over at Bakari who slept peacefully on the obviously uncomfortable couch and smiled.

Not thinking, I quickly got up to grab my notebook and pen to write.

Before everything happened all at once, I wrote about things that didn't necessarily apply to my life or happy, uplifting things.

Now my stuff are all about questioning God, why we live if we're gonna die anyway, how nothing will ever get better and how we'll get justice for Samir.

I sat down carefully, making sure to put everything back in its place, and got to writing.

" Is it worth it? " I write smoothly.

I sighed as I thought of what to continue with.

When I couldn't think of anything to continue my writing with, I threw my notebook and started crying in anger and frustration.

I punched the air and laid down, trying to calm down.

Bakari slept peacefully as I was going through it all.

I cried at how peacefully he slept despite everything thats happened.

I cried at how I'll never get Samir back and my family won't ever be the same.

It got to the point that SeSe is thinking her own family members or coworkers set him up.

She doesn't even want to see Yaz's or Bakari's and his other friend's face which makes sense.

Yaz seemed to show genuine emotion, so did Bakari which makes it unbelievable to think they'd do it but Bakari only met Samir a couple of weeks ago.

I wasn't trying to blame him but ever since he died, I haven't seen the world or people the same.

I finally stop crying and wipe my tears.

I look at the mirror that laid on my lap and examined my puffy eyes and red nose.

I was so into thinking and admiring my imperfections, I didn't even notice Bakari waking up and looking at my notebook.