Pretending

31

After Namjoon left, Jin made me dinner and then he gave me this look.

I knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

"Tae," he said tentatively.

I just looked at him and tried to get him to him the most pitiful expression I could muster so he wouldn't go too hard on me.

"Tae, you need to stop ignoring Jimin."

I looked down at my plate.

"Honey, I love spending time with you, but I'm concerned. Namjoon told me what happened between you and Jimin. And look, I get it. He's the one that ignored what you were trying to tell him."

I looked back up and met Jin's kind eyes.

"It's understandable that you don't feel good about the whole situation and that you want to avoid it. But from what Namjoon said it sounds like Jimin is ready to face things."

"Then why hasn't he even bothered to tell me that himself?" I asked with anger and hurt in my voice.

"Baby, you haven't been there in a week. He's probably feeling that he's messed up so much that you won't want to talk to him."

"That's so stupid! He's the one that wouldn't talk to me!"

Jin smiled at me. "You're angry. That's good. You're both irrational and your actions are hurting each other. This anger is healthy. Now you need to express it. You need to tell Jimin exactly how you feel. Make your feelings heard. Demand him to tell you his. It's the only way."

I sighed. "I don't want to hurt him. What if I say something that makes him feel really bad?"

"You're not a cruel person Tae. I don't think you need to worry about that. I think if anything you should worry that you're going to be too nice and that you won't get things out the way you want to."

"Jin, there are some things I haven't told you. About Jimin, and our past. Some of the things that he did. That I forgave him for, but that still hurt me either way."

"You mean that Jimin dated Jungkook?"

I looked at him in shock. Before I could ask he explained.

"I met Jungkook a few months ago. He was really sad and after a while he finally told me why. He mentioned your names and that's how I know about what happened between the three of you."

I didn't know what to say because I felt so shocked to find out that he knew.

"Tae, I want you to know that I don't judge you. I know that you've probably gotten plenty of people who told you that you should have stopped being friends with Jimin and that Jimin and Jungkook are horrible people and that you're an idiot. But those people are just assholes. As someone who knows all three of you, I can tell you for a fact that you're all just people who made mistakes. And that's okay. What's not okay is that you've been pretending that it was all okay. Honey it's time to stop pretending."

My stupid sensitive self was crying again. Fuck!

"Tae, you're free to stay here as long as you want. But I miss seeing you and Jimin here, together. And I bet he misses being with you too. You guys need to talk things through."

I nodded. "I miss him so much Jin." My tears ran down my cheeks. "I love him. And I miss him."

Jin got up from his seat and stood behind me. He put his arms on my shoulders and around my neck from behind and placed his head next to me. One of his hands combed my hair and he comforted me until I stopped crying.

Then we just washed the dishes together and he drove me back to the dorms.

"Thanks, Jin. For the ride. For the food. For everything."

Jin smiled warmly. "That's what I'm here for sweetie." He ruffled my hair and gave me a kiss on the cheek that caught me off guard but had me smiling brightly. "Now go fix things with Jimin. I miss hanging with my bestie."

I nodded and got off the car.

The walk to the dorms was terrifying. I walked slowly and thought about calling Jin several times. I didn't want to face Jimin. But I knew I had to.

I stood in front of the door for a few minutes. Just thinking.

Finally, I got my key and opened the door and walked into my dorm.

Immediately I spotted Jimin sitting on the couch.

But he wasn't alone.

Jungkook was there.

He had one arm wrapped around Jimin's body and the other was rubbing his back.

Jimin was crying. His face was buried in Jungkook's chest, so I couldn't see, but I could hear his sobs and see his body shaking.

I cleared my throat.

Jungkook looked at me and gave me a sad smile.

Jimin didn't look up. He just started trying to wipe his tears away and remove himself from Jungkook's embrace.

"Um, hi," I said awkwardly.

"Hey, Tae." Jungkook said softly. "I hope you don't mind I'm here. I just wanted to talk to you guys. To apologize. For, um, well everything."

I nodded and sat on the table in front of the couch.

Jimin looked up at me. His face was red, and his eyes were puffy, but he still smiled when he saw me. "I'm so glad you're back Tae. I missed you so much."

I got up from the table and went to go hug him.

I held him tightly against my body and it felt like I was back where I belonged.

"I missed you too," I said. I sat down next to him and looked at Jungkook who was smiling at us.

"I wish I could have more time to apologize to you properly Tae, but I got to go."

"Don't worry about it Jungkook. We can talk later if you want."

He nodded and then got up. "Talk to you later then Tae. And Jimin, thank you for allowing me in here and hearing me out."

Jimin smiled at him.

"Bye guys," he said.

"Bye," we both said as he left.

Jimin turned to look at me. He gave me a kiss. It was more than a peck, but it didn't last long.

"Sorry, I just wanted to do that before shit gets real," he said.

I smiled and looked at his face.

I missed him so much. I wanted nothing more than to just ignore everything and just make love to him right there on the couch.

But I knew we would have time for that later. So instead I took a deep breath and looked Jimin in the eyes and said, "let's talk."