A Summer Story

My Feelings at the Moment

My Feelings at the Moment

9, June, 2014

It's hard.

Knowing I'm going to leave him in 3 days.

The magic three strikes again, I guess.

I just imagine a world, a life without him playing his part.

Without him making his stupid jokes.

Without him being an idiot.

Without him just... being himself.

And all of a sudden my chest aches, and it feels like my whole body is full of lead and I can't move.

After nine years of him being an extra in my pathetic life, I realized over the course of one weekend,

that I love him.

Of course this came as a shock at first.

I've never had a crush on him. Never been attached in this way before.

And I didn't fall for him like normal people do.

In fact, my hypotheisis was that, I just wanted an excuse for me to miss him,

if that makes sense.

But as time went by, I could see this was not the case.

I still miss him everytime he's not with me.

I still want him to be mine.

I still want him to look at me.

I still want him to talk to me.

I could say I need him.

Today I saw him laying on the grass, waiting for his mom to pick him up.

And the urge to sit next to him was so strong, and so overpowering,

my body ached as I didn't join him.

I didn't want to make out with him.

I wanted to talk.

Or maybe hold his hand.

But I didn't.

And I couldn't