Well my life isn’t that great right now. Chase and I are still fighting. I guess he doesn’t understand the whole point of me breaking up with him he is just so hard headed I can't seem to get anything through his fat head. I knew that he was stubborn like Bryan but I thought Bryan was the most stubborn person I have ever met but I guess I was wrong. Chase keeps giving me things to make me forgive him but I just can't do that because that makes me look weak. Also it makes it look like I need a man to make me happy when in all reality he needs me. Trust me if I needed a man to make me happy I would have been pregnant and everything because I'm weak and I need a man to tell me what to do. But you know what I think me and Chase need to talk about it because I do feel like I didn't give him a chance to explain himself and then I will talk to Kimberly there is still a very slim chance that I will take both of them back as not only friends but best friends and a boyfriend. I know it would be going against what I believe in but I love Chase and I miss Kimberly. I go home every day wishing I could just go home and pick up the phone and call her and tell her about my day and how bad or good it went.
Well tomorrow is the day that I sit Chase and Kimberly down and talk to them. Chase wants me back sooo bad and I don't blame him. Ha ha ha... People have been asking me for weeks why did you break up with Chase he loves you soo much and wants you back and misses you. Now that you have broken up with him he is soo sad and sits alone at lunch and won't let anyone sit with him because the table he sits at is the one that you and him sat at during lunch and he is hoping that one day you will come back to sit in that chair and be with him forever and always. I always tell them that he should have never been flirting with Kimberly. So then when people find out the reason I broke up with Chase they think I’m the bad guy. They always tell me so what if he was flirting with Kimberly at least he came home or back to you so you can’t complain. I mean I guess I can see where they are coming from because some of these girls guys just sit around here pretty much like a pimp thinking that no matter what the girl says they can do what they want and their girlfriend won't say anything to them. When really their girls are sitting here not knowing what's going on or what to do with the situation because they don’t get any appreciation from their parents when they need it. So they think that their boyfriend that they have now is all they can get. But when everyone else knows that they can do a lot better. But that’s their problem no mine.
Well today I sat down with Chase at lunch he almost cried. I told him that I was ready to put this all behind us and for us to go back out and not to worry about what we have said to each other in the past but to focus on the future and he agreed. After lunch Chase walked me to class and then after that he came back to my class and walked me to my next one and the one after that. But the only person I don’t feel like talking to is Kimberly because she hasn’t been talking very polite about me to say the least. People have been coming up to me saying that I need to see a therapist and need to go get 'clean' and need to find the power of god in me to help myself. But they just know my name not my story and I'm so sick and tired of people thinking they know my story and thinking they know me and what I have been through and that they can relate to me and relate to what I've been through. When they really can't but they think they can. So what to do hmm what to do. I tell you what I'm going to do tell them they all need to just take a long walk off a short pier and I have no problem saying it either. But what do I know I'm just another damaged child that needs 'help'. When really they are the damaged ones for getting in my business.
So I thought that maybe if I told everyone what is going on it would help...but I guess not. I also heard today that my new step-dad Bryan abuses me. Yeah someone went around telling people that Bryan abuses me. God why can't people just leave me and my life and my family and my business out of their mouths. I don't see what is so hard about that. I mean I'm a nice person. I'm a person that keeps to herself and really doesn't cause any drama. I don't talk about people I don't spread rumors about people. So what did I do to deserve it? That’s right nothing. But I guess no one notices the good but they notice all the bad and it reflects on you harshly some people can take it but not me. I can't stand people like that. It's not fair to those whom keep to themselves and don't get into anybody else’s business but that seems to be the only thing that we are actually remembered for but I can't do anything about it. See I thought most people were on my side in my life story and everything that has happened to me but I guess not.
