Him

Author's Note

Hey guys!

I'm am super duper sorry I haven't updated in so long....

I've been dealing with a lot of stress since I've been home.

I'm sorry if I disappointed any of you readers and Pals that have been reading my story. Being home has just been really hard and stressful and just full of different kinds of emotions.

I'm about to let it all out just because I need to. You can stop reading here if you want, just know that I'm venting and that I am currently writing the next chapter so it will be published soon. Oh, and just to let you know, the beginning of this next chapter is sexual. I'm not trying to be a creeper, it just kind of happened while I was writing. It's not horrible or anything, but I thought I would just give you all a heads up.

. . .

For you readers that have continued reading, thank you.

So this is what has been happening in my crazy messed up life. Ready?

I don't even know where to start...

I don't have the best relationship with my mother. This causes me to never be home. I'm always at a friends house. It's frustrating because I want to see my mom, but whenever I'm home, we end up fighting. For example, I've been home for more than a week and last night was my second night home. Now do you get it? Okay, let's move on.

Then there is my dad. He is a stupid drunk that I can hardly stand. He calls me names and when I was 11, we used to get into fist fights and scream and yell at each other. That was something an 11 year old should never have to go through. It sucks. The cops were always called. It got to the point that I was almost taken to Juvie because my dad said he was "disciplining" me, when in all truth, he was straight up punching me and slapping me. This happened until I was 13. Mr.Chan, the guy from the last few chapters, helped me through it all. Along with Jimmy, he saved my life. They both did. They are both amazing people. Chan helped me find a relationship with God (I'm sorry if you don't agree with my religion but it's true) and helped me see the brighter side of things while he could while I was his student. We still talk, very frequently actually. We text each other when we can. It's nice to have someone to depend on like that. But freshman year was really hard without him. I couldn't talk to him everyday which made me bottle up a lot of my feelings. I then started dating a very beautiful person in my life. I believed we were in love, even after only a month of being together. We both had really rough lives, so it was easy to relate to each other. We were each other's guide through our dark, scary world.

This person found out that they had to move away. I tried everything to make it work, but they purposely pushed me away, even though I saw how much it hurt them to do that. They wanted to be able to leave and not be as heart broken. It worked for them, but left me with nothing but a shattered heart that was too hard to put back together.

From then on, I've been struggling with depression. It was a lot worse before, but I'm slowly improving. It became so bad, that I didn't even watch Jimmy anymore. It was heartbreaking. I just never thought about it. I was dealing with so much stress about home and school and I was overwhelmed. I almost ended it all. I had a complete breakdown in the middle of class and I went to talk to my counselor. I told him about how I was thinking and it was scaring me. He had me sit in the counseling center all day so he could talk with me and also because I just couldn't handle going back to class. I truly felt like I had hit rock bottom. I was never happy. Nothing could make me laugh. And I loved to laugh. I was almost just fed up and done, then I thought about Jimmy. I decided to watch an episode on the NBC app. For the first time in what felt like forever, I genuinely laughing and smiling. It was all real laughs and smiles. It was as if I had forgotten what that felt like. It was beautiful.

You're probably thinking, "What's your point? Is there a point?"

Well yes there is. I just wanted to give you background information so you knew what has been going on.

I've been arguing with my dad more and more and it just stresses me out terribly. I love my dad, I mean he's my dad. But I just hate him so much at the same time. And not being able to go home hasn't helped. My friends don't really get what I go through. I mean yes, they are there for me through EVERYTHING and vice-versa. But they aren't there to experience it. You know what I mean? And it's hard to update when I'm spending time with my friends, so that's another reason why I has taken so long.

Well, thank you for listening to me, if you did continue reading. And even if you didn't it's okay. I still love you. Lol.

Thanks guys! Stay tuned, will hopefully update soon!!

Your author,

Alicia