High school Au!
Warning: Depression, anxiety, feeling of hopelessness and being lost, mention of death, and a suicide attempt.
Summary: Darkness. Numbness. Sadness.
Type: Angst and a little but of fluff.
The panic attacks in school and the numb feeling were based off my week this week.
Word count: 2364
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Gavin trudged slowly back to school, dragging his feet on the pavement and his back slightly hunched, too tired to keep it straight like usual. He unzipped his backpack and threw it lazily on the table where it was checked by a state constable and passed back to where he could reach it. He then walked through the metal detectors and retrieved his bag, then headed to homeroom. My actual daily routine at school.
Once he got everything out of his locker, he sat down with his boyfriend Conan at a table in the back of his home room class. "Morning, Gavin," Conan said. Gavin didn't answer as he was staring off into space. It wasn't until Conan hit his arm that he was pulled from his thoughts-or his not thought seeing as he wasn't thinking, just staring. "Gavin?" Conan said concerned. "Yeah. Yeah I'm fine," he responded, only half paying attention. Conan slightly wrapped his arms around Gavin in a light embrace. Gavin melted into the touch until Conan let go. "Do you need to talk about something?" Conan asked sweetly. "Maybe...maybe later. Over text or when were alone..."
Conan saw Gavin's gaze shift over to his other best friend Kate. He looked sad as he stared at her. Gavin was so close to bursting into tears, but the bell rang and she was gone without saying a word to him. Conan felt his heart shatter in his chest for Gavin, and could almost hear Gavin's shatter. He knew they were having issues, but he didn't realize they were this bad. Gavin got up quickly and rushed out of the room after Conan gave him one last hug and told him to make sure he talked to Conan about what was wrong. Gavin promised he would and both boys went off to class.
Gavin trudged into the left science wing and entered his biology classroom. He set his books on the floor and slumped down in his seat. He pulled out his binder and did his morning assignment and waited for the teacher.
Half way though Bio class, the teacher called on Gavin. Gavin, again, was unintentionally staring off into space once again thinking of nothing. "Gavin? What's the answer?" She asked coldly. Gavin simply shrugged his shoulders, too tired to answer. He felt something but couldn't place his finger on what. Then again, he also felt nothing. This had happened a lot and all Gavin could do was sob and shake and contemplate whether or not he could put up with this anymore. He felt helpless and hopelessness. He thought that his mind would be flooded with awful thoughts since that was what usually made people feel this way. However, he felt nothing. Nothing went through his mind.
He felt...nothing.
Suddenly all eyes were on Gavin. He didn't know why until he realized his head was on his desk. He must have slammed it down without thinking. "What are you all looking at!" He said, voice slightly raise as rage boiled deep inside him. He shot his head back up and tried his best to pay attention. He just didn't have the motivation to.
The bell rang. Gavin saw everybody else leave, but couldn't bring himself to move. He felt like he was no longer in control of his body. He suddenly felt hands on his arms pulling him up. The feeling of anger began to surface again. He circled his arms and broke free of the grip. He shot the girl a look, grabbed his stuff and swiftly exited the room and headed to class. She saw her flip him off, and he just grunted.
