A Rock and a Hard Place

After Shocks

"I'm making you take a jacket," Juan says, starting to rifle through my bag.

"I don't need one! It's gonna' be like seventy-six degrees out tonight," I groan. "It's California in the summertime. It's not like－"

"Yeah?" Eric cuts me off. "Well I'm not giving you my jacket when you get cold."

I shoot him a look. "You can't even remember the last time you－"

Both the boys chime in, "The other night at Denny's!"

"Ugh!" I rise to my feet and throw a fit as I leave the back area of the bus. Juan removes himself from my bag and walks by me to join Eric in the back as I get to my bunk. I grab the first jacket I find, an old black Dickies jacket of my older brother's that I stole and vandalized with patches. After stuffing my arms into the holes and fixing the collar I reveal my selection to the guys and they applaud and cheer. I roll my eyes and toss my bag in the cabinet beneath my bunk before I walk to the front of the bus, but deep down I'm grateful for the two of them and their caring persistence.

My phone lights up as I sit next to where it's charging. Andy texted me saying he's on his way to my bus to grab me. I don't respond.

Tonight we're all going to the opening night party that Kevin Lyman is throwing. Since we only have to drive to San Diego tonight we're allowed the time to have one. There isn't a theme like there's been in past years, but it's the last opening night party that Warped Tour is ever going to experience and every band and crew member is going to be there. My last thought is the one that dampers my mood.

I sigh as I tilt my head back and shut my eyes. There's a very real possibility that I'm going to run into Belinda tonight. I don't know where she'll be or who she'll be with. Even if I don't see her tonight I run the risk of seeing her at any given time during the summer. We're going to find each other one way or another, and I hate the inevitability.

The fact that the former love of my life is on the same tour with me and the current love of my life freaks me out. I had to practically drag Andy away from her set before she saw me earlier today. My eyebrows sink down as I think of him. I tried to explain it off, telling him that seeing a former flame is just uncomfortable, but there's way more to it than that and he knows it. He's not an idiot.

Andy knew before today that I had dated a woman in the past, and he knew that I had loved her, but we never talked much about it. I didn't get into all the gorey details of my old relationship because I was so enamored by the new one I was developing with him. Just thinking of his sweet kisses and the way he laughs at my stupid puns is enough to lift my brows back up and form my lips into a smile.

I know that we have to talk about it soon, but the whole situation messes with the darkness always lurking in the back of my head. Seeing Belinda again reminded me of all the anxiety I felt with her. All the times the manic part of my manic-depression overtook me as a kid and played a role in some defining stupid decisions flooded my memories. It wasn't all bad, nothing ever is, but thinking back to that time still hurts. I don't like revisiting it.

There's a couple taps on the door to the bus and I call to the guys in the back that we're going. I pull my phone from the charger and myself from my thoughts before I open the door to Andy, who's looking at his own phone. He glances up at me and smiles as he stuffs it in his back pocket, and it's enough to send my heart soaring. From the second step of the bus I put my hands on his shoulders, and as I make the small jump from the step to his body he's already catching me and helping me wrap my legs around his waist. Our lips struggle between smiling and kissing.

"My eyes!" Eric dramatically cries from behind me.

I roll my own but laugh as I drop back to my feet and turn to face the two other men in my life. Andy's arm is already around my waist as they come bounding out.