A Rock and a Hard Place

After All This Time

Juan and I follow Belinda as she walks from her trailer to the stage, though we hang back in the wings. Her band has a decent crowd as she approaches them. She gives a greeting to Nashville before her band starts the set.

Valentine Strawberries are pretty good. They feel nostalgic to me, but in some capacity so does Belinda. Musically, they remind me of Never Shout Never or The Ready Set in the early days－ maybe like the days we were dating. Belinda's voice is so much more rich than the boys in those bands, though. It's always dripped like honey, and her audience are loyal bees to the queen.

I sway to their set. The band is a lot of fun to hear. I still can't help but feel nostalgia from watching the set, however. It almost makes me feel like a kid again, watching bands I knew play backyards with me. As they start each new number I try to push that feeling away. This isn't Before. But watching the way Jerry wanders the stage in an attempt to steal the spotlight feels familiar. Juan's tenseness beside me is familiar. I told him he didn't have to come with me, but he said he's finally trying to cut his shit loose. If only Taze were here to complete the picture.

Suddenly, I feel long arms around my waist and a chin on my shoulder. I smile as I place my own arms over Andy's. "Hey, tiger."

"Hey, baby," he greets, moving in to kiss my cheek.

"How was your class?" I ask.

"It was great. So great," he says, standing straight. He moves to my other side and greets Juan before taking my hand. As he starts talking about how his TEI class went I pull his arm up and over my shoulders and grab his hand again where it rests. I listen to him as I watch Belinda play. My uneasy nostalgia starts to disappear as we stand together. This isn't Before. This is now, with the love of my life and my best friend and an old friend.

Her set ends not too long after. They didn't play "Coca Cola". Belinda puts a cordial face on for Andy when she greets him behind the stage. It's irritating that it's slow going, but Belinda has been trying to warm up to Andy. He always tries to remain polite in any conversation he holds with her. The two don't share a lot of common interests, nor do they have similar personality types. It's a wonder how I had made a significant other of both of them when they're so different. The two of them are trying to tolerate each other because of me, however. At least they have that in common.

When we start walking towards the buses, Jerry bumps me as he quickly storms by us. This instantly angers Andy and Juan, but I soothe them down to a simmer. I don't care if Jerry likes me. After the last time we interacted, I'd personally hoped to never see him again. Belinda promises to hit him upside the head when she sees him next.

Juan and I need to get ready for our set later, so we all head to the Ghouls bus. The energy between the group is finally easy as Belinda and Andy talk about growing up watching the Beetlejuice cartoon. After the four of us sing the theme song as loudly as possible, Belinda grabs my hand. "Ronnie! Do you remember when we both dressed up for that Halloween party as Beetlejuice characters? Everyone said we were getting married."

"Oh my god, yeah," I answer, laughing. "I wore my dad's old burgundy suit and you wore Lydia's wedding dress. I barely remember the party."

And then it's uncomfortable. Remembering that I got super fucked up at the show is uneasy, because only three of the four people in this group remember why I was getting fucked up. It was the last time Belinda and I went to a party together.

I become acutely aware that Belinda's still holding my hand. We're friends, and that's okay, right? Have I made it weird now? I glance at Andy, who's definitely noticed that our hands are connected. Just as I decide to pull my hand away he changes the conversation, telling Belinda about the Halloween he dressed up as Gomez and I as Morticia. He smiles at me and obnoxiously brags about having "the hottest date at any party" and gives me a small kiss as we're walking, making him stumble. My boy is a goofball but he's mine, and he knows that I'm his. Any doubt I'd felt melts away as we approach the bus.