•Why• Shawn Mendes •

6.I love you

I've left him well over 25 missed calls and I don't even know how many message. I'm honestly really scared, if I can even use that word in this circumstance.

All I wanted was some time, to think things through, to decide what I wanted; if it was to be with him or not .

An hour would have been fine, but he obviously wasn't okay with that.

Sleeping wasn't an option. What happens if he calls me or sends me a text and I'm asleep? Or if he walked in but I didn't know 'cause I was asleep.

It's not like I could call any of his friends or family either. I didn't have their numbers and they'd probably freak more than me.

I did think about what Shawn said, and I know you might think that I didn't but I did, I needed to tell him something. Maybe this is fate, him walking out and not answering, but it might not be. I really hope it isn't.

H

e probably knew that I needed space, I thought it was quite obvious.

I did need to tell him, and on the phone probably wasn't the best way but it's still in my voice isn't it?

Again, it went to voicemail.

"Hey, Shawn...it's me, Karlee, you probably already know that so I don't know why I'm telling you.

But I need you to come back, I'm not really sure why you left in the first place but we can talk about it if you want or we can just move on.

I need you. Here, with me. And your probably thinking that I should have told you sooner, and yeah I should have but I'm telling you know.

You'd probably also get annoyed at me for saying this over a voicemail, but I don't know where you are, or who your with. You won't answer me and I'm scared as.

I'm not too sure why I didn't say this when you told me that you loved me, I should have. I should have told you the truth and not asked for time. Why did I even ask for time what person does that?"

By now the tears were slowly falling down my face as I sniffled trying not to full on cry.

"Shawn, I need you to come back, I need you to hold me when I'm falling asleep, to stroke my hair, and sing to me. I need you to just be here for me, is it that hard?!

How can you not tell that I'm in love with you, and that I have been since i first saw you? I didn't fall out of love when you first hurt me, or when you last did.

I didn't tell you that I love you when you told me. And I should have. There's no doubt about that, but I'm saying it now. Please just come back."

I did it. I told him how I truly felt, well not necessarily him but he'll still get it. I can't stay up waiting for him all night, if he's not here he isn't going to come back right?

As I stood up and grabbed my glass, that was once full of water, I dried my face with the back of my hand and walked out of the front room. Before I could even walk to the kitchen, I saw a figure, the most recognisable one I could ever see.

"Shawn..?"

"Hey.." he whispered, his voice cracking slightly but I could hear it, it was as if he was afraid to cry. He shouldn't be the one crying though, should he?

"Why didn't you answer me? You could have been dead for all I knew! Where were you?!" Angry? That was an understatement.

"You can't just walk out when I need time to think. You can't. No matter how much you want to, it isn't fair. What if we switched shoes, yeah? How do you think you'd feel if I just disappeared? You'd feel like complete crap, okay?"

Shawn took a couple of steps towards me, making me look up into his eyes, he reached his hand out to touch my cheek, as if he was afraid I'd break at his words.

"I'm sorry, I just thought that," he started, still whispering, eyes glossing over, "I thought that the reason why you had to think was so you could think of a way to break it off with me. I didn't want that, I freaked. I'm sorry, really"

"I should hate you, yanno? I thought something happened to you, and I'd never see you again. I was so fucking scared because of you!" I sniffled, I was still trying to regain my breathing.

Shawn chuckled, it gave me butterflies every time, "I know, I'm so, so sorry baby, it won't happen again" and with that he pulled me against his chest.

I missed this. Being in his arms, not because he was forcing me to stay there, but because he maybe even loved me, like he used to.

Shawn slowly started moving, me still in his grasp, I'm guessing he was taking me upstairs, I mean it was 4 in the morning.

"Shawn, can I ask something?"

"Mhmm, what's up, Hun?" He mumbled against my head.

"Where were you? You don't have to say if you don't want to.." I faded off, looking towards the floor.

Lifting my chin up, he smiled, "Hey, it's okay, I was at the Jack's house, don't worry it was just us.

"Oh, and Karlee?"

"Yeah, Shawn?" I mumbled.

"I love you more"

And with that we went to bed, both of us being happy for once. Me not being scared anymore and fallinf asleep quickly.

The only thing I definitely knew, was that I needed to be careful, not because I was scared he'd change but to make sure I didn't do anything wrong to make him change. I feel like I'm always going to be on edge. And I hate that.

Hey, if there's ant mistakes let me know