[✓ ] love, me. ❥ james potter

2 of january, 1977

dear red,

please.
i swear to merlin i didn't mean it.
for godric's sake, rose,
i thought it was you!
and, yes, i know that it's not much of an excuse,
but that's okay.
because i'm not just going to sit here and make up excuses for what i did.
but i sure as hell am going to fight.
i'm going to fight for you,
rose evans.
because you're worth fighting for.

love, your jameson.

~~~

rose was reading the fifth apology letter she had received since that awful new year's eve night, and she was conflicted.

she didn't know whether to forgive him or not.

he hadn't really done anything wrong in all actuality.

he just hurt her to the point where she had no other feeling than numb.

completely and utterly numb was all rose evans had been for the last couple of days.

she felt sick.

the one thing lily had that rose wanted was james potter's heart. that's all she had ever wanted. lily had never even wanted james.

not until rose had swallowed her irrational fear of rejection and made a move.

and rose had yet to complain. that was her sister. her twin sister at that. lily was her best friend in the entire world.

and maybe that's why it hurt so much.

rose had always wanted to own james' heart. ever since he helped her on their first day at hogwarts back in first year.

severus snape had always liked lily, and despised rose for some unknown reason. perhaps he was jealous of their closeness. on the first of september in 1971, severus snape had grabbed lily by the hand and showed her through the barrier to platform 9 and 3/4 when rose was busy petting her tawny owl, aurora.

rose looked up to address lily, but she wasn't there.

while looking around confusedly, rose heard a voice,

"are you looking for the platform?" a boy's voice spoke, and rose looked up into a pair of warm hazel eyes.

"um, well, i was looking for my sister, but i think she left for the platform with her friend... and um... i'm not sure how to get there... so, yes i, um, i am." rose awkwardly rambled.

"well, it's this way, c'mon, my mum and dad already went through. i'm james by the way, james potter." james spoke kindly.

"rose, my name, it's um rose evans." rose stuttered quietly

they walked to the barrier and james told rose all she had to do was walk, or run, if she was nervous, through the wall in front of them, and she would find herself on platform 9 and 3/4. when he noticed the apprehensive look on her fair features, he grabbed her hand reassuringly.

"we can go together." he said with his signature grin.

and the two of them ran through the barrier.

together.

"are you alright, rosie?" lily asked her sister, concern etching on her features.

as rose's gaze traveled from the wood grain in the table up to lily's green eyes that were identical to her own, she felt a flare of anger.

lillian diane evans.
kind.
beautiful.
smart.
prefect.
head girl.
queen of gryffindor.
hell, she even had their mother's last name.
she had the one bloody thing rose wanted.

acceptance.

"rosie...?" lily asked apprehensively when she saw the anger rose felt reflected in her eyes.

"i'm fine, lillian."

"are you sure, rose? you look a bit-"

"I SAID I WAS FINE! GODRIC LILY, KEEP YOUR NOSE IN YOUR OWN BUSINESS!" rose exclaimed as she pushed herself up from the gryffindor table and grabbed her book bag and letter.

as she stomped toward the great hall doors, she passed a garbage bin. without an twinge of regret or an ounce of hesitation, rose threw the letter from james into it before she made her way to her first class of the day; charms.

james had watched the whole scene unfold, and felt a stabbing pain in his chest when he watched rose throw his letter in the bin.

lily felt tears pooling in her eyes as she hurriedly grabbed her bag and fast-walked to the restroom.

everything was falling apart.

and the worst part?

rose evans was completely shattered. broken.

and she didn't know if she was repairable.