Our hearts are a black hole

30 more days

The boys look at Phil like he has a big pimple on his forehead or something. I soon enough feel all eyes on me,even though i'm not looking at any of them,just down at the salt scattered on my french fries,and the greased soaked napkin. But still,I feel their eyes burn threw me,but,not Phil's,his eyes feel sweet and kind,like...I don't know,a butterfly? Before I can say anything to interuppt the awkward silence,the gingered hair boy gets up.

"Hey," he says as he taps the other boys shoulder. "lets go." The other boy stands up and nods.

"Nice seeing you again Phil." They both say then walk away. 

At this point,I was full on convinced,Phil was not the type of guy who would want to die,so why does he want to? A thought pops up in my head this is all a set up but the more I think about it,the more I think less that it's a set up.

"Sorry about those guys.." Phil says akwardly,and sluggishly pointing to the two boys walking away.

"No big deal,I just didn't know you were so.." I cut myself off.

"What?" Phil says curiously.

"Popular." 

Phil chuckles at the word.

"I'm not popular." He shakes his head then looks down,his chin pressed against his chest.

"Basketball,friends,nice clothes? Hell if I didn't know you I would think you were the most popular person in the town." I then think about what I said,I don't know Stonecold...not at all,but that's something i'm willing to change. 

I look up at him,and stare at him for a bit,when he notices I look away fast.

"For one,I stopped playing basket ball,a while ago,ever since..it." He pauses for a brief moment. My mind wonders about what he means,I think about asking him but I don't,because I know he's about to go on. 

"Secondly,they aren't my friends,they think they are,but in a matter of fact,I hate them." I want to chuckle at what he just said,but I don't because I know he's being very serious,and I don't want to make him mad at me. 

"Thirdly,I only have nice clothes because my parents work,well,my dad does anyways." He puts his head down once again,I study him a bit more.

"Why don't you play anymore?" I ask.

"I don't go outside,I haven't...in a while."

"How long has that been?" My mind has very many questions for him.

"Since last,,April 7th." He looks as if he is trying really hard to hold back tears. For a split second I feel bad for him,but the darkness consumes it and leaves me with no feeling at all. I don't know what to say so I stay silent. After what seems like forever,of silence he breaks it.

"Can you take me home?" He asks in a calm low voice,his voice is deep and cracks fom not using it in those couple minutes. I raise one eyebrow. 

"Aren't you seventeen? Can't you drive?" 

"My mum doesn't let m drive anymore." 

I raise my head slowly while still looking at him,then bring it back down,into a slow nod.

So i'm your ride threw all of this,I go you stoncold. 

"Yeah..let's go." I walk to the car and tun to see Phil right behind me,I get in as he does as well.

"How could you tell it was me?" I ask him,I have been wanting to ask this question the past hour we have been together. 

"I uh...I don't think it would be..very..nice if I told you." He says rubbing the back of his neck. This antagonizes me to know more.

"I don't care,just tell me." I sort of in a way demand,I grip on o the steering wheel,looking at him. 

"well," he sighs. 'you looked like you really,really,wanted to run yourself over with your car." 

I pause for a moment,looking off into space facing him,processing what he has just said. Then and there I laughed so hard I am almost certain I could have peed myself. He lets out a ligh chuckle,for a moment I feel something in my stomach,but then again just like always,the monster that lives in the dark valleys of my pit consumes it like it hasn't eaten in a years worth of time. My face grows serious,I start the car and pull away from the lemonade stand slowly. 

"Can we stop at the pet shop?" Phil asks not looking at me but straight out the window,with wide eyes,eyes that in a way was telling him to open the car door and jump out,not because he didn't want to be in he car,but because he just wants to harm himself.For the reason I know not,but soon,I hope to find out. 

"Uhm..." I flash my attention to the time on the screen of the car. "Yeah,we go time for that." 

I continue to drive,I pull my phone out of my pocket and text my dad.

Going to be a tad bit late,had to stop somewhere and there is a bit of traffic.

"Pay attention to the road." Phil says calmly,but you can hear a bit of panic in his voice. 

"Why?" He looks over at me.

"Because i'm not trying to die today,i'm trying to die on April 7th,no time before,no time after. 

I shake my head a bit. My phone buzzes,I manage to pull it out of my pocket and look at the message my dad sent me.

Okay...

I sigh and put my phone away. My dad I always has never really payed any attention to me ever since my mom pretty much shamed my whole family,but mostly me,I mean I am the on of the lady who went bat shit crazy and did the deed she did. My dad almost seems afraid of me,like I was the one who commited the crime,but that's the thing,that's no why he is scared of me,that's not why everyone in the town is scared of me. Everyone believes I may inherit the craziness my mum has,and I will do the same thing she has done,and I know how bad this is going to sound,but sometimes I feel as if sometimes...I do have her craziness,but,I just know how to control it better than she does. That's another thing that scared me,my mum always seemed fine,never crazy,nothing,she seemed calmed,except timed when she would get mad,but then one day,she just snapped,and ran off the hooks,and when that happened,nothing was stopping her,and a part of me is afraid the same thing will happen to me,but I seem to have a bit more of a stability more than my mum does,so another part of me is certain I won't turn out like her. 

"It's here on the left." Phil says interruppting my train of thought,although I don't really mind,overthinking can send me off the edge sometimes. 

I turn left and park in the parking lot,I start to think again,about everything,memories,my mum,my dad,the new and approved family my dad had started when him and my mum had gotten their divorce,and I think about now,I think about Phil,and how we are one day,April 7th,going to end all of this,the pain,everything. 

I can feel Phil staring at me,and I knew I was right when he says.

"Stop thinking,jesus I can hear you all the way from here." He jokes. 

I smile,weakly. 

"Sorry." I always apoligize for stupid shit.

"No need." he says. "I'll be right back." He gets out of the car and darts in the store,only to come out moments later with a bag of bird food.

Oh,god,he has a pet

He gets back in the car with the tiny bag of bird foo in his hand.

"Aright,lets go." He says situating into his seat.

"Who's Rodger?" I blurt out then cover my mouth realizing what I just said.

Phil gives me a did you really just ask that kind of look. I flash him a apoligetic smile.

He sighs. "My ex boyfriend,but lets not talk about him alright?" I nod,I kind of feel relived in a ways that he's gay,bi-sexual,or whatever,considering the fact that I am a guy and like guys,as well. But I don't like Phil,were suicide partners,were here for each other until  the day comes.