DEAD FEELINGS

Dancing alone at night, with him

Why are you on my mind, even when I'm in my home dancing alone at night?

The wind had picked up his pace today. The moment i stepped under the sky it ruffled up my hair. I instantly held my jacket closer, not because the wind scared me, but because only your touch will ever be welcomed into my embrace. 

The wind however,like an unfaithful lover, didn't stop wooing me. It engulfed me, tickled my bones, tried to make my heart dance. 

My heart did dance then, not because the wind won, but because that fading blue in the sky, the murmurs in the wind, the mellow gaze of the light around me took my thoughts back home to you. 

It was wondrous, one falling thought about holding onto you in that moment, under that sky, amidst that wind, made my heart waltz and leap. The wind then subdued. Maybe he wasn't blowing to win me over, he was blowing to remind me of that sweet love that grew like vines in my heart.

My eyelids at that instant bowed down humbly and like faithful acquaintances my eyes closed. But I didn't see the bleak dark, instead I saw a face. A figure made of hopes and the now barely visible stars. And that figure put his arms around me, fixed his star laden gaze at my eyes and swayed with me to the beats of the music slowly making it's way through the air.

The music of a love old in all aspects but the time, old in its faithfulness and authenticity. 

It was your face that I saw with my eyes bolted shut, your eyes that I wondrously gazed into, your smile that matched mine and your body along which I graciously moved. 

The blue of the sky had now turned grey as the night moved in. The wind was at our feet again. 

How is it, I asked the sky, the wind, and everybody else around me who had witnessed me dance alone , that he, who doesn't think of me in the same way, who doesn't steal me kisses and love, who doesn't feel or show me his heart, make his way into my thoughts every minute of the passing day?

They didn't know. The stars hid behind the clouds when I asked them, the wind disappeared, the trees stopped swaying and the night darkened. Silence crept up accompanied by my deep longing sighs. 

"Maybe because he is the magic you believe in, not the one you have right now, but the one that keeps the flame of hope and wonder alive", replied my smile as she went down the memory lane of all those times she had lit up on hearing your name or the sound of your words or even the echo of your presence. 

"Maybe because your thoughts get lonely too sometimes, and find solace in the memory of him, feeling less deserted", replied my mind, who knew reason failed my actions yet couldn't shake your realness.

"Or maybe because it's not about whether he loves you or not but about how you love him, so dearly and ardently,  through shadows and dreams. Maybe because you may not be his, but he is yours. And maybe just maybe because deep down a big part of you loves to believe that you have stolen his heart too just the way he stole yours", finally answered my frail heart.