Just Desserts

Chapter 32

Gabriel

The curtains close and I breathe a sigh of relief. I was so nervous, having one of the lead roles and all. As it turns out, I had nothing to worry about. Everyone was clapping and whooping on the other side.

I quickly turned around, a huge smile on my face as I tried to spot Sam. He was next to me one moment, but I had moved forward, towards the curtain without realizing it.

"We did so well! You did so well!"

I grabbed his arms, giggling slightly, giddy after the performance. "That was amazing guys," Charlie called as she walked by. I barely heard her though.

"Hey, man... are you okay?" I shook him slightly, but he still didn't move. "Sam..." I tried again. There was no smile on my face anymore. My stomach kept flipping, my heart beating erratically. "S-Sam! Come on, man. This isn't funny."

He still didn't move.

"J-Jess!" I called, knowing that she would be nearby to check on Sam, to congratulate him. "J-Jess... h- he's not... I don't know what's wrong... he just... he-he's just not moving."

"Sam?" Jess rushed over to him worriedly. "Wh-What's going on?"

"I don't know," I whispered. Nothing more would come out. I was shaking like a leaf, breaths coming fast and the blood had drained from my face minutes prior. I probably looked like a ghost, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that Sam wasn't moving, like a dead body, still standing, but dead nonetheless.

"Please baby... Please talk to me," Jess pleaded and it was honestly heartbreaking. Jess was a sweet person, there was not reason to hate her, so I sighed. I knew why he was frozen now. I'm not sure how I knew, but I was absolutely certain that I knew why.

"Go be with her, Sam," I whispered as I walked away. His head snapped around and he looked at me wearily. I gave him a thumbs up, turning around so that I didn't have to see them together. To see them happy.

I needed to get out of here, as soon as possible. Perhaps I'll move back home, or maybe try something new. I wonder what New York is like around this time of year, other than cold of course.

"I'm so sorry, Jess. I just can't believe that I just went through the entire play. It was just shock."

Cas walked up to me, wrapping me in a huge hug for congratulations. "Hey! You did..." he paused as I shrugged him off. I didn't feel like hugging anyone right now. "What's wrong? Where are you going?"

"Home," I said, barely more than a whisper. He gave me a questioning look and I gestured towards Sam, unable to say anything at the moment.

"Do you still have the engagement ring I gave you?" My heart stuttered in my chest again. Not because I was looking at his beautiful face, thinking that e might be mine some day, but at the realization that he won't ever be mine.

"Yeah. Of course."

"Good. I think it's finally time that we actually get married."

Cas looked back at me, a sad, understanding look painting his features. "I can't deal with this anymore Cas. It hurts too much. I will go to their wedding, which will probably be from this summer, seeing how excited they are and all that. After that-" I looked at Sam again, throat tight with tears- "then I'm going to leave. I'm going to New York, or maybe Tennessee. I'm not sure, but I cannot stay here anymore."

"I'll come with you," Cas stated. I could tell that he didn't want to though. He wanted to stay here, and I couldn't take that away from here.

"No, Cas. You have a lot going for you here. Stay. I'll be fine on my own." He looked skeptical for a moment, but sighed, knowing I wouldn't change my mind.

"I'm so sorry, Gabe."

"It's not your fault, so don't apologize," I whispered. Feeling Sam's eyes on my back, I held my head high, kept my back straight and smiled at Cas. "I feel like this was how it was supposed to be after all."

Then I turned my back, not daring to look at any of them, knowing I would cry if I did.

I spent the last week thinking that I got over him. My life was simpler and I was happy again. I was even happy for them to be together.

Turns out, I wasn't lying to everyone else anymore, but myself as well. So well, in fact, that I started to believe it too. I got so good at ignoring the fluttering in my stomach whenever I thought about him, so good at ignoring the pounding in my head and heart, that I forgot that I loved him.

Obviously that's not the case. I love him more than I know I should. I know I shouldn't. It wasn't okay to be feeling this way about a man who was dating another person, but I couldn't help it, even if I had tried.

Now... now it just hurts too much. It hurts to see him in the hallway, kissing and loving on Jess. It hurts to see him laugh with her and tell her that he loves her. It hurts that I got a lead in the play ad had to kiss him over and over and over again.

But what hurts the most, is that I know, despite the friendship and the play, despite him liking me back, I knew that he would never be mine.

That's why I'm leaving as soon as I can.