Hey guys, I'm slowly getting to a place where I'm okay. I'm still sad, but other than that I'm okay. It's just, during the day I have a lot of distractions going on and I can keep myself busy, but at night it's kinda hard. I just kinda lay here going over memories with him and that makes me just bust out crying.
I hate waiting on someone to come into my life and waiting for someone I know will spend the rest of their life with me. I'm so tired and exhausted with it. I just want someone to come and never leave. Even some of my friendships are like that. It's just a lot and I don't like putting myself out there, but it's difficult when you have social anxiety and can't even say a simple "hello" to someone in person (No, being homeschool did not make me socially awkward lol).
I wanted to be married by at least 20, 22 at the latest and have kids before I turned 30. At this rate, I'm not gonna be having either. It's just sad thinking you're gonna spend the rest of your life alone and not someone you love. No kids to pass down their family name. I know I shouldn't plan my life like that because life is unpredictable, but I wanted to set goals for myself in life, that being one of them.
It just seems like everyone leaves. Something great happens and then poof, gone. Never to return. I'm stuck wondering if it's me and when you have general anxiety disorder, that's not always forgiving. I just wish people besides my family wouldn't leave. Besides my family and my one bestest best friend, I have no one. Maybe one day in the future I'll be posting about how overreacting I sounded right now, but until then, I'm gonna be the "Debby downer."
So I'm just gonna hang my head high and smile through the tears because what else am I supposed to do? I'm just grateful for the little encounters I have with people in my life because they mean a lot. Don't ever take them for granted because you don't know if tomorrow is guaranteed to be living another day. You might just make someone feel loved, just for that one day, and possibly make them not plan on taking their life the next. Just that little act of kindness does make a difference in someone's life, even if you don't think anything of it. Don't be spreading hate and make others feel down. I'm sure you wouldn't want that for yourself, so please make a promise with yourself and spread love and kindness towards others. Help someone in need, give love to the broken, say hello to someone you don't know and offer a kind smile to someone who might need it. You'll feel grateful you did. You'll feel glad you prevented someone from suicide or anything else in their lives. Don't take the opportunity for granted.
That's all I have guys, be sure to follow and leave a comment and don't forget to vote.
Spread love💞
Stay slayin 😎
