There All Along

Chapter Five

The next morning I went downstairs to find my mum looking confused. I was confused at her being confused. What could she be thinking about?

Emma was eating her favourite breakfast;chocolate Nutella spread on a bagel. We're allowed chocolate for breakfast on weekends. That's the rule my mum came up with ever since I was little and she's stuck to it ever since. My mum is a healthy eater, she believes in "eating anything in moderation". She has a slim figure. She wants me and my sister to have the same attitude towards food as her.

"Anna do you know where the cookies and stuff went?" Mum asks me.

Uh oh. I knew I shouldn't have binged last night. I'm not good at this eating disorder thing. I failed so bad. My mums gonna find out then ground me for months. I'm such a failure.

"Oh that, um......" I began, suddenly feeling hot. My cheeks start to blush. They do that when I'm either hot or embarrassed, (or sometimes cold, like really cold) . "I got peckish in the middle of the night last night. I'm sorry about that. I promise it won't happen again."

I was expecting a good telling off. After all, I did have a massive binge last night and stole lots of food that my mum had to earn with the money that she got from working two jobs.

"Oh Anna. You should be eating more during the day. If you don't, then that'll lead into bad habits such as having a binge at night and we don't want that. I want you to be the healthiest version of yourself that you can be. I'm sure you want that too," mum says, calmly. She does seem disappointed in me, but not half as much as I imagined her to be.

"Yes mum." I hang my head in shame.

"Don't let it happen again, sweetheart. I love and care about you and Emma."

I nod and look over at Emma who is stuffing her face with the scrumptious chocolate covered bagel. My stomach starts to rumble and I press on it a bit with my palm to tell it to shut up.

"I know, mum. Thank you. I care about the both of you two." I kiss my mum on the forehead then go over and kiss my sister on the cheek. She looks at me. She smiles, her face and hands covered in chocolate. I let out a little giggle. I couldn't help it, she just looked so funny like that.

Mum checks the time on her watch and quickly stands up. "Oh my gosh! I didn't realise it was that time already. I better get going before I'm late for work."

I didn't know what time it was exactly, but I'm guessing it was something like twenty past eight. Mum kisses my cheek followed by Emma's then hands me a ten pound note. I look at the note then up at her.

"It's for you and Emma to share equally between the two of you. I love you goodbye." She picks up her bag and heads for the lobby to put on her shoes and jacket. I go through to the kitchen to make myself breakfast. I seemed scared to make myself a chocolate inspired breakfast. But then I remembered that I could purge the calories back up afterwards. That gave me a sudden sense of satisfaction so I made myself coco pops with milk.

When I went back through to the living room I asked Emma if she was alright.

"Yes thank you," she replied. Mum gave me and my sister such good manners.

"Good," I say. I sit down next to her with the bowl of cereal. I look at the tv. "What's this you're watching?"

There's princesses dancing about all over the place, waving their magic wands about and acting like there's no problems in the world. If only life really was as carefree as that.

"Sofia the first," Emma replies.

"I should have known!"

Emma is obsessed with Sofia. She wants to be her for Halloween this year. She was Sofia last year too. A bit boring if you ask me, but if that's what Emma likes then it's that that Emma will get.

..........

As soon as I finish my cereal I sneak to the bathroom without Emma getting suspicious. Since the bathroom is right next to the living room it makes it harder to be a secret purger. I turn on the shower and start puking away.

After I'm done I get rid of any traces of sick that I could find, turn off the shower, then head back to the living room. I feel so much lighter now. Why hadn't I always done this?

Emma doesn't even turn her head once. She's so focused on her tv programmes. I smile at her. She doesn't realise how perfect her life is right now. She has nothing to be ashamed of at this age. She has no worries. Just a carefree life. God how I wish I was six again. I would do anything to be that age again. And I mean anything......

I collect our dirty dishes and take them through to the kitchen. I would feel guilty if mum was left to do them after spending a whole Saturday working. She needs a day off from house chores. So I start to wash mine and Emma's dishes from breakfast.

I hear Emma stand up and start singing and thumping around in the living room. She must be dancing and singing again. I find it really cute when she does that. I used to do that when I was that age. She's just like her big sister, (I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not) .

After I'm done with the dishes I go through to find Emma glued to the tv. Her dancing and singing has finished.

"I heard you singing," I say to her. She jumps at the sound of my voice and turns her head to find me. "Yeah! I love to sing and dance. It makes me a princess!"

"You know, when I was your age I used to be exactly like you. Into princesses and singing, dancing and all that. Apparently mum was like that too," I explain to Emma and her face lights up.

"Was mum a princess?!" Emma exclaims.

"Yes," I say, going along with the fantasy. "And now she's the queen."

"So does that mean that I'm a princess?!"

"Yes."

"Wow!" she whispers. "I'm a real life princess."

I grab the tv remote from the couch and say, "princesses love to dance and sing. It's part of their daily routine. Especially in the mornings. So....let's do just that!"

Emma's face lights up and she gasps with excitement. I turn it over to YouTube and put on Disney music, let it go to be more specific.

I grab Emma's hands and we start dancing and singing our hearts out. I felt so happy that I thought my heart could burst because I was so happy. I don't want this moment to end.