There All Along

Chapter Ten

I woke up to my mum shaking my shoulder. I look up and frown at her. Then I remembered that I had gotten raped and abused by Josh whilst mum was away at work. But right now I was in the living room, sitting on the sofa. I had so many questions that needed answers.

"Why am I down here? Is the door locked? Where's Emma? Is she ok? Is she safe? Are you ok?....."

I had more but mum shooshed me.

"I unlocked the door and found you sleeping here. I went up to check Emma, she's fine, fast asleep. You were cuddled up on the sofa. My god Anna what has happened to your eye?!" Mum asked in shock.

I suddenly felt a chill run down my spine. I forgot that I would have had bruises. I'm glad mum hasn't seen any more of my bruises.

"Oh I banged my eye whilst opening the cupboard," I lie. "But I'm fine now, honestly!"

"Ugh! Anna, I wish you'd be more careful," mum moans. "Did Emma behave herself today?"

"Yes. Yes she did," I respond happily.

"Good." Mum goes through to the kitchen and makes herself a cup of tea. "Do you want tea?"

I think about the calories and just shrug. I deserve it. I deserve to eat after everything that I have been through today.

"Yes please, mum," I reply.

She comes through a few minutes later with two cups of tea. She hands me a cup and I thank her. She sits down on the couch and takes a sip. "Mmmm. This was well deserved after a long day of work!"

"You deserve it mum," I tell her.

"I know," she jokes and we both laugh. "Nah but seriously my boss is a nightmare! Making me work about fourteen and a half hours!"

Well, technically less because she works two entirely different jobs in one day, but I know she's tired so I don't fight back........

"I know. You are such a hard worker. I done the dishes for you today."

"Why did you do that?"

"Isn't a daughter not allowed to help her mother out when her mother has overworked? It's my little 'thank you' to you from me," I explain. "Since you do everything for me and Emma."

"True," mum replies before taking another sip of tea.

..........

The next morning I walk downstairs to Emma eating a chocolate doughnut from Krispy Kreme. Mum is standing with a ten pound note in her hand. "Good morning Anna," she says.

"Good morning mum," I reply. "Morning Emma."

"Morning!"

"I'm sorry I don't have time to chat. The traffic is supposed to be busy today so I need to leave a bit earlier than I usually do but make yourself breakfast. Here's ten pound for you and Emma. I have left thirty pound in the spare purse for you and Emma's supper and dinner and anything extra. You know the drill."

"Yes mum," I reply. She kisses Emma's cheek then mine then leaves for the front door.

I go through to the kitchen to make myself a chocolate smoothie. That will be easy to purge.

I go through to join Emma at the table.

"I haven't told mum about Josh," Emma says. I feel proud of her and I gently stroke her cheek before planting a kiss on it. "Thank you, Emma. I'm proud of you."

Emma smiles.

..........

I get myself and Emma ready before we head out the door. We get a bus into town. First Emma had to get swimming lessons at eleven, it was now half ten.

"We have time," I say. I take Emma's hand and we go into a cafe. I buy her a biscuit and a carton of apple juice. I just get myself a glass of iced water. Emma chats about her best friends at school and her crush, Liam. It's cute to think that six years old nowadays are finding their first love. When I was six I was awkwardly dancing with my mates at school discos.

I looked at the time. Quarter past ten.

"Come on, Emma. It's time to go to swimming."

Emma jumps out of her seat in excitement. "Yay! I love swimming! Anna will you be there to watch?"

"Yes, the whole time," I explain. I take Emma's hand in mine and we head for her swimming.

At swimming I help Emma to get her swimming costume on then I let her go meet with her teacher and the pupils and I make my way to the bit where parents sit and watch their children, (or siblings like me) .

Emma looked so cute when she was swimming. She was so good! I wished I could have filmed her but it's not allowed incase there's any perverts out there. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Afterwards I meet Emma in the changing room with her clothes and a towel.

"Anna! Anna! Anna! Did you see me swim?"

"Yes. You were amazing, Emma!"

Emma gasps in excitement.

"Now come on, we have to get you changed then we can go grab something to eat."

"Where are we going to eat?"

"McDonalds," I say and Emma's face lights up. Emma's favourite is McDonalds. She loves getting the chicken nugget happy meal with fries and a toy to go along with it. Oh and a bottle of milk. It used to be my favourite too, before I turned anorexic.

After Emma had gotten ready we headed to McDonald's for lunch. McDonald's was practically just around the corner.

When me and Emma had sat down I have never seen Emma so hungry. She gobbles down all her food so fast that I thought she would throw up afterwards! She looks so happy eating her favourite meal without worrying about the calories and putting on weight and playing with the toy. It makes me so sad that I can't do that anymore, (well chat with my friends, not play with the toy) .

Being around everyone eating junk food as happily as can be makes me want to binge and purge. But I can't do it here. Not now. Not in front of all these people. And especially not in front of Emma. What would that influence her to do? I dread to think......