There All Along

Chapter Seventeen

I wake up to find Sam smiling at me. I forgot that he slept over last night.

"Good morning," he greets me. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Like an angel!" I reply. I let out a yawn and stretch out my arms. "Did you get a good sleep?"

"Yeah," he smiles. "The best I've had in ages."

"I really don't want to go to school today," I tell him.

"Me either," he laughs. "I just want to stay in bed with you all day."

Things were moving way too fast with me and Sam but it couldn't be helped. It just felt so right.

"Me too. That would be the perfect day!"

"But you can't," mum says, popping her head round my bedroom door.

"My god mum. You startled me!"

"Get up now! You are going to school whether you like it or not. You too, Sam."

I rush out of bed and me and Sam race out of the room before we get into more trouble than we already are.

..........

When we arrive at school we go our separate ways and I see Josh. He hits me in front of everyone. "What were you doing with Sam?"

"Josh he's just a friend! I was lonely so he helped me," I explain.

"Meet me at the top of Berryfield, after school. Be there," Josh orders before walking away. Berryfield? Why there?

Berryfield was a high cliff that everyone would hang out. But after one guy a year below me named David Henderson was mucking about in front of his crush fell off the cliff, broke multiple bones in his body, fractured his spine and died right there and then nobody has gone there ever since. Which to this day still gives me chills. Brrrrrr.

After school I meet Josh at the top of Berryfield since he wasn't at the bottom. It was very windy and my hair was blowing about everywhere.

"Why did you pick this spot?" I ask him.

"Oh no reason," he says, not sounding convincing. He paces about for a bit before pushing me down the cliff. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. This is it. I'm going to die. Goodbye cruel world.

..........

I wake up in a hospital bed. Mum is speaking to the doctor and Emma is staring at me. She gasps and shouts, "mum! She's awake!"

Mum and the doctor look my way. Mum runs over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Oh my baby. Are you ok? Are you sore? What happened?"

I try to think what happened before I ended up in hospital. What could have put me into hospital?

Then I remembered.

"Josh. He told me to meet him at the top of Berryfield cliff. He must have pushed me off it," I explained.

"Josh is a bad person," Emma tells me.

Thanks Emma, but do you think I don't already know that?

"I knew Josh was a weird person but I didn't know he could be this cruel!" Mum sobs, fighting back tears.

It was now my time to open up to my mum and the doctors. But I couldn't. I just couldn't.

"Lunchtime!" The nurse exclaims. She hands me a tray with a cheese sandwich, a cup of apple juice, an apple and a chocolate biscuit. I look up at the nurse with confusion.

"Your mum told me that you would like that," the nurse explains to me. I look over at my mum who is smiling at me. I smile back at her and then look at the nurse. "Yes, thank you."

"No problem. If there's anything wrong or anything else you need just press the buzzer," she says.

"Will do," I nod. The nurse walks off and I start to eat my lunch quickly.

"You were hungry!" Mum says. "That's a good thing though. You've been losing a lot of weight recently. I hope you've been eating."

"I have mum." Then I feel a sudden wave of guilt knowing that I have finished my whole lunch and have consumed all that calories. "Excuse me." I stand up and walk over to the bathroom. I bend over the toilet and make myself purge. Before I can finish purging my mum and a nurse bursts the door open. Even though I locked the door they somehow managed to unlock it and open the door.

It must have been an awful sight. They saw me bending over the toilet with my hand in my mouth about to puke.

"Anna! What are you doing?" Mum shouts. My eyes start to tear up as I make myself sick one last time before all the tears come bursting out.

"Mum I've lost control! I'm anorexic! There I said it!" I shout whilst crying.

"Clean yourself up and you can tell us about it when you've finished," the nurse says. She closes the bathroom door. I felt so sick and guilty. I felt like crying even though I was already crying but I felt like I wasn't.

I flushed the toilet a couple of times then went over to the sink to clean myself up. I walked back through to my bed to find everyone gathered around it and looking at me. I don't think Emma had a clue of what was going on.

"Are you ok?" Mum asks me. I say nothing, all I do is nod.

"I'll take Emma away for a bit to give you space to discuss everything," one of the nurses says. She holds her hand out and Emma takes it. "Would you like to play a board game? Do you like board games?"

"Yeah!"

And with that the nurse takes Emma away. I feel my heart race.

"What exactly has been going on, Anna?" The nurse asks me.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I tell them everything, without missing any detail. I told them how controlling Josh was and how he had raped me, then I told them that he would beat me and boss me and break me, then I told them about Rosie and how he had broke my heart. My mum started to cry and I cried with her as she held me. I could see the nurse was trying her best not to cry. "I'll go and get some scales. I hope you don't mind?"

"No. Well I do a bit, yes. But Josh is not here to tell me I'm fat."

The nurse smiles before leaving to get the scales.

"I didn't know all of this was going on. Anna why didn't you tell me?" Mum asks me. I felt like I had betrayed my mum. She trusted me and I broke that trust. All because of a stupid boy telling me I'm fat when I'm not. I've always had a skinny frame and I shouldn't have let anyone tell me differently.