There All Along

Chapter Twelve

There's a sudden loud knock at the door. I check the time. 9.15.

I jump up off the sofa.

"Anna! Get your ass here now!" Josh shouts through the letterbox.

I rush to the door and unlock it. Josh is standing outside, frowning at me. "Where have you been?"

"I'm sorry Josh. I should have told you. I was out all day with my sister. We got back at about seven tonight," I explain.

"What were you doing?"

"She had clubs to go to all day! I'm knackered," I yawn.

"No excuse! You should have told me, Anna. I was worried sick about you," Josh says calmly. I feel so warm inside as he wraps his arms around my body and holds me tight.

"I'll never go out without telling you what I'm doing ever again Josh. I really am truly sorry for not letting you know."

"You should have told me, Anna." Josh runs his strong hands through my hair which makes me want to fall asleep in his arms. Why is he being so nice all of a sudden?

"Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?" I ask him.

"Yes please, I'd love that."

I make Josh a cup of tea. Since me and Emma went shopping earlier today there was extra food in the house. I put out biscuits for Josh and I took one myself. I took a bite out of it and Josh frowns at me angrily. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

I look at him and stop chewing the bit of biscuit that remains in my mouth. I thought that since Josh was being nicer that he wouldn't have minded me eating again. I guess not.

"I'm just having a biscuit," I tell him, innocently with the biscuit in my mouth.

"No no no no no!" Josh shakes his head. "Biscuits are fattening. They'll make you fat and then no one will like you."

I feel my face become hot and I feel sudden guilt about eating the biscuit.

"Spit that out now!" Josh orders. So I do just that. I spit it out onto a napkin in front of him.

"And for heavens sake don't speak with your mouth full it's so rude!" Josh says before taking a massive bite out of the biscuit.

I hang my head in shame before throwing the rest of the biscuit into the bin along with the napkin that I had spat into.

Josh will never change. He will still call me fat. But I couldn't blame him.

I look down at my body and pinch belly fat with my hands.

Look at all this baby fat?

My eyes start to tear up so I forget about my weight and go through to the living room to join Josh before I start crying my eyes out.

He has eaten a heck ton of biscuits but doesn't seem to put on weight. He's naturally thin and muscular. He opens his arms and looks at me. "Come here."

I go over to him and he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight in his arms. I feel like crying to him, but he would just call me a woos if I did.

"I have noticed that you've been losing weight recently, Anna," he tells me. My face lights up and I pull away from him to look him in the eye to see if he's lying. But he seems to be telling me the truth. "You really think so?" I ask him.

"Mmhm," he nods and smiles at me.

"I'm so happy right now!"

"I'm proud of you."

"Me too and thanks," I thank him.

"But I've got something I need to discuss with you...."

"What is it?" I immediately frown and my heart starts racing. He better not tell me anything bad. I can't deal with bad news right now.

"I think you should wear something a bit more fashionable instead of pumps, your jacket and jeans," Josh explains.

"Oh," is all I can reply. "Really?"

"Yep. People will like you so much better if you do."

"But there's nothing wrong with the way I dress?"

"Well it makes you look......weird."

"Oh." I feel guilt and shame in myself.

"You should wear a leather jacket, trainers, a sexy T shirt and black leggings."

I think about it for a minute. "That does seem like me, but so does the stuff I usually wear."

"Also instead of your ponytail and all that crap, have your hair down and straight. Oh and also wear makeup."

"But I do wear makeup."

"You do?" Josh studies my face up close. "Well it doesn't look like it. But you should wear more makeup. It will make you look so much prettier. You will get more boyfriends."

Does he not think I look pretty already? And I don't want all the boys fancying me. I only want him. I only need to impress him. Josh is all I need. Also there is nothing wrong with the way I dress.

"It'll be like the transformations that you see in movies," Josh tells me. I think about the movies where the girls are nerdy or geeky and then they turn into a princess, (a bit like Cinderella except she's always been beautiful) . But I think that every girl is beautiful in their own way. Plus it's what's inside that matters the most.

"I know what you mean," is my reply to all that.

"You should stop being so paranoid and anxious. It doesn't look good," he points out to me as if I don't already know.

I can't help being so paranoid and anxious. I was born that way!

..........

The next day I go to school with my hair down straight and black eyes and red lips. Josh is right though. I have been getting a lot of stares. I'm not sure if it's in a good way or a bad way though. It could be because of my "transformation", but it could also be because of my bruises.

When Josh sees me dressed like that a massive smile appears on his face. "That's my girl." He wraps his arm around my shoulder and leans in towards me. I pout my lips and close my eyes.

He kisses my forehead then walks off. I sigh. I can never win with that guy. What is his problem? Am I not good enough for him?!