Happiness

nine

B E C A

"This is all your fault you little shit" Carl spat, kicking me in the stomach for the third time

He and my mother had an argument this morning which I caused apparently. All I did was walk into the kitchen for some water but I accidentally spilled a bit on the side, making Carl angry. When my mum actually stuck up for me, he got annoyed and excused me of starting the argument.

If he didn't lose his temper over some water then it wouldn't be a big issue. I felt nothing anymore. Every hit, every punch and every word he said to me was nothing now. I have gotten used to it which is the sad thing.

Dani still thinks he doesn't do anything, it is all easier that way. I have also ignored Chloe for 2 weeks now. It was better for her not to be my friend. She says she cares about me but I know it is all a lie. She and her friends just want to knock down all my walls so they can use it against me. It's happened before and It'll happen again.

After one more kick to the stomach, he left my room. I just stood up, going into my bathroom, being sick. This was all too usual for me. I don't think there was a day where he didn't shout or hit me. But as I said, I had gotten used to it and I was starting to accept that he wanted me out his life. I wouldn't try to leave again, Dani was all I had and she cares about me. I know she does, the way she tries to make me smile every morning before I go to school, how she always makes me dinner, cheers me up when I am upset, watches movies with me and just takes time to talk to me and have a normal conversation for once. I feel safe around her.

"Want to go in the pool when you get home? Carl is out of town for the night so you don't have to feel awkward" Dani asked as I walked into the kitchen

"Sure if you want" I shrugged

She nodded, giving me a smile before eating her cereal. I grabbed an apple before waving goodbye to her.

"Bye Beca" My mum called out

"Bye mum" I said, looking back at her

She looked happy that I actually called her mum. First time in ages that I managed to make her happy and not sad or disappointed. When I had walked down the drive I noticed Stacie and Chloe down the street a little. I walked right past them, not looking up at any point. They did nothing wrong but I couldn't face them right now. I didn't deserve friends and I certainly didn't deserve happiness.

"I don't know what I have done" I heard Chloe say

She sounded sad.

Well done Beca, you've upset her. Once again.

Oh you can shut up!

Ouch, just saying the truth.

Once I reached the school I headed to my first lesson, I was 10 minutes early but I had nowhere else to go. I had History, how fun. When I had sat down I heard the door slam shut. I looked up to see Stacie had slammed it, now sitting in front of me.

"I don't know what your problem is but ignoring Chloe? I do not care how much you think she doesn't care because she does. She wouldn't cancel plans with her parents to make sure you were okay! She has the biggest heart and for you to hurt her, makes me pretty annoyed Beca. I get you have some trust issues and think people don't care but Chloe is so different. She makes the effort to see you give a small smile and to make you feel cared for but you have pushed her away so many times and ignored her. The first few times you did it, she came back to try and be friends again but every time you do the same thing!" She ranted

"I told her not to care many times, she has chosen to do this" I stated

"Because she likes you, Beca! Why can't you understand this" She huffed at me