Secret

Chapter 13

Songs for this chapter:
Ready to Run - One Direction
Roger Rabbit - Sleeping With Sirens
Afraid - The Neighbourhood
R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys
Fool's Gold - One Direction
[Harry pov]

Chapter 13
I meet Bella at the park just as Bella asked, although I'm not sure why she called me over here so urgently. "Okay, I'm just going to get this over with..." she mumbles under her breath.
"You're moving and it sucks and I just need to tell you that I like you, okay, like more than a friend. I like you a lot, Harry." she blurts and I don't actually know what to say. I mean, I'm sort of happy that she admitted to liking me, not that I hadn't suspected it already. I've thought that she did for a while, I guess, but since the party when she ran out of that closet all upset, I had known for sure. I like her back, I think, but I'm not even sure of my own feelings yet.
I know that when I move, it's just going to hurt both of us if we try to make something work between us in that way. "Look, I wasn't trying to lead you on or anything, I really wasn't, and I promise I won't ever do it again. I know you like me Bella, but please, stop." I plead.
"You weren't trying to lead me on, really? Because that's exactly what you were doing. Everybody thought you liked me, Harry; even I thought you liked me...You were always leading me on, flirting with me." she angrily shouts, "It hurts that you tell me to just drop these feelings because it's not that simple, you ignorant ass! I really like you but I guess if you don't feel the same and expect me to just stop liking you then we shouldn't even talk anymore because honestly, every word that comes out of your mouth makes me fall for you that much more. You had always led me on. I'm just done."
My heart sort of swells in my chest but it also deflates when she's yeling at me for this. As much as I want to tell her none of what I'm saying is true, I can't.
"Listen, it's better for both of us, trust m-"
"No, shut up with that bullshit. It's not better for the both of us." she cuts me off.
"It will save us both a lot of hurt." I tell her honestly.
"Okay, shut the hell up. It's not going to 'save me any hurt'. In fact, it just hurts more. And you don't even have any hurt to save, Jesus!" she snaps and I almost wince.
This hurts a lot, but it had to be done. I would have liked to stay her friend but I don't think she really wants to anymore after what I said. My insides keep twisting but I do my best to keep an expressionless face. "Whatever, it's whatever. Take care of yourself when you move, alright?" She sniffles and makes eye contact with me.
"Okay." I reply in monotone, looking away.
"Bye Harry."
"Bye." I reply, getting up from the bench we were seated on and walk back to my house across the street.
*
"Fuck!" I yell as I hurl my fist at my bedroom wall about four or five times before calming down. I look down at my split open and bloody knuckles which feel numb, the wall in front of me holding no damage at all. "Shit, why are you punching the wall?" my sister asks from the door. She steps inside my room and examines my knuckles."Okay, something must have really upset you." She lets go of my hand and crosses her arms, waiting for an explaination.
"It's nothing." I try to shrug it off.
"Harry, this is not nothing. Are you okay?" she pushes.
"I don't need your help, Gemma. We're moving to who the hell knows where, that's why I'm punching the wall." I explain angrily.
"I thought you would be happy. You always complain about how shitty it is here." she says and the first thing that comes to my mind is Bella. I really did think this place was shitty and I wanted to move for so long, but since I started warming up to Bella, staying here seemed like the better option. I don't really get a choice anymore though; my parents want me to have a better education.
"Where are we even going?" I ask, tracing my tattoos with my index finger.
"California." she answers and my head shoots up.
"But that's so far from here!" I yell.
"Dad wanted to move away from Pennsylvania, so that's what we're doing."
It sort of makes sense, I don't know how I didn't figure out where we were moving before. My parents have been telling me I should apply for colleges out West because it's better than over here, and that it's easier for them because we have family out there, but I told them I wanted to stay in Pennsylvania.
"Shit," I put my head in my hands and mumble to myself, "I'm never going to see Bella again. I screwed up so bad."
"Who?"
"No one, fuck."
"Who are you leaving behind? A girlfriend?" my sister teases.
"Leave me alone."
"Who is it?"
"Someone I'm going to miss."
"Okay, so who?"
"Bella."
"And who was she to you?"
"I don't know. We had something and nothing at the same time."
"Well, I don't know much about this Bella girl, but it sounds like you need to get your shit together and fix it." she says.
"I know."
*
I grab my phone off the counter and unlock it, searching through my contacts to find Bella.
(Bella!)
The message sends quickly and I wait for her reply. Five minutes later, my phone goes off and it's Bella.
(Harry?)
(Hey, I didn't mean for what I said earlier to come off in the wrong way.)
Immediately, I get a text back.
(Ok.)
(I'm really sorry)
I wait for about an hour without getting any reply from her. I search through my contacts again and tap dial on Elise's name.
She picks up on the fourth ring.
"Hey, have you talked to Bella lately?" I ask. "Yeah, I have, why?"
"Is she mad at me?"
"Well what do you think?" she retorts.
"I don't even know what I did wrong! I just told her the truth!" I exclaim.
I hear her scoff on the other end.
"Just tell me one thing," she starts, "do you care about her? Like for real?"
"Hell yes I do!" I answer. "Do you like her?" she asks me. "That's none of your concern." I reply. She laughs a little.
"Tell her to text me please." I say.
"Alright." Elise says and hangs up.
**
(Bella today's my last day. Meet me at the frozen yogurt shop if you want. Please.)
The message goes through and I sigh. I'm making this sound way more dramatic than it needs to be.
As I wait for her reply I finish packing up the rest of my room for the move California while the movers navigate their way through my house, taking everything else. I admit I'll sort of miss it here. It's quiet, but it's home. It's where Bella's at. She's one of my best friends. She's home.
I grab my hoodie and walk downstairs quickly. "Mom, I'll be back in a bit." I tell her. She just nods, going back to mopping the floor.
I walk all the way to the yogurt place (Bella really loves this yogurt place) from my house. It sucks not having my license. Yeah, I can drive, but the cars are on their way to California, plus my mom doesn't let me do it all the time cause if I get caught without a license, I'm dead.
I sit at a table and tap my fingers, too nervous to get anything. I pull out my phone and a small rush of relief comes over me when I see that Bella has replied "Ok." and I didn't just walk all the way over here for nothing.
About 20 minutes later I see a small gray car pull up and I run a hand through my hair, immediately knowing it's Bella. She walks in and I resist running to hug her.
"Hey." she says.
"You came." I state, trying to hide my smile. "Yeah." she shrugs.
"Bella, look, I am so sorry. I don't want to move at all, okay. It's not my fault. I'm sorry for what I said..." I explain, "but I don't take it back."
My tongue feels bitter as I say the words.
It's hard to pretend you don't care for someone that means the world to you.