"Guilt": A Poem Book

I can't believe

From the moment I first saw you I had a bad feeling in my stomach

But

I ignored it like the plague

When I heard your soft spoken voice that dark feeling numbed as you talked to me through the night

...

After many passing days I started to get to know him

" You are different from when I first met you." I once said.

Every day that I saw him my feelings grew from that night I met you...then time went on

...

You became more different how they say, " showing your true colors"

Yeah I saw your true colors and friends that are my "friends" as well

I may not be making sense, but I'm just lost in this mist of confusion because, of your actions

You may think I'm that type of person but I'm not that person at all. I am a unique person that stands out from the crowd. My ancestors never liked to be single out or different. But being different is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

So why do you THINK for a second that its okay to treat me in that distasteful way

I am not that kind of person

I am not that kind of person

...

I have been ignoring your behavior again even though it pains me so much

You have your "moments of words" and I listen to your "friends" that you are a sweet persons and caring yes. But what you say behind closed hours and nights.... Makes me want to go to sleep early and convince myself

This is not you

This is not...

This is not you

...

My patience is a virtue, so take it in consideration....

Even though you can't read my mind try to at least guess the constant battle I'm having internal

....

You blind so many people but not me. Your friends adore you like I use to... But I don't think I do anymore
...
Many people ask me why I HATE Valentine Times. There is a reason because, I've never had one and February was never my month of happiness.

I thought for a sincere moment, that you will be my Valentine, but you may never be my first.
...

Like I said before my patience is a virtue so take it in consideration 
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I'm afraid to let you go because, I choose you over someone who may be a little rough with many things but understood me

I realize I didn't win the gamble but instead I lose the round

...

I never thought I will have to doubt someones careness for me

I may sound selfish but...

I never thought this will happen to me
....
You mean so much to me that I can cry

Can't you hear me!!!

I maybe short from your stance, but I have a big heart and big mouth ready to give it to you STRAIGHT  that I'm not like people that live around here.

I'm from a place where we don't clean your Gucci shoes to get your opinion, attention, or approve. What I will say is we can be nice and friendly, but when you make a "mistake" of making us feel disgusted  you will have to move heaven and Earth to get on our good side.
....

I'm a friendly person, but it takes a lot to get me.

Once you damage me it TAKES a LOT to get me talking to you.
...

Don't take my kindness for my weakness.

My mom always told me to speak up. But she never told me how hard it was for people to hear me for me.

I won't lie I made some mistakes that I can never take back, but I'm learning to grow with those mistakes.
...
I thought you could hear me, but I guess not.
...
Tomorrow I may ignore you to just clear my head from the confusion. From just hearing you voice will make wondered how does a angel looking creature be so... careless not consider my feelings when they just let words fall from there mouth like a sloth monkey.
...

We use to make jokes about turtles.
...
I could tell this very night, the fourth of November, you were getting sour with your attitude towards me.
...

I guess I'm coming with the ideology that, no one can handle me.
...

Why?
...
My prediction is coming true in a way.

...

"Rip 2 my youth" - The Neighborhood
...

Your friends will not believe me when I tell them the truth because, you hypnotized them for so long they have lost there way like they already have.
...
Tomorrow maybe my downfall for the rest of the day, but I will glow in the dark to shine brighter than the pain I just faced.