Missing You Again

When's Shark Week?

Some people hated getting their waxing done. I was not one of those people. Sure it smarted as the waxer ripped your hair out by the roots but I found the whole process of going to the salon relaxing. Why not get a facial or a massage you ask? Because that would involve someone, who I was not getting down and dirty with, touching me for far too long. I didn't even mind the feel of the hot wax being smoothed on to my skin. I probably had some kind of kink going on that maybe I needed to get to grips with but kink was not my current priority. Being silky smooth and pool ready was.

So there I was, kicking back, relaxing as Teesh my waxer got closer to my lady parts than anyone but Zacky and Jess, my London waxer, had gotten in long time. As she silently smoothed on the wax, I'd already explained to her that I liked to meditate during waxing and she'd kindly refrained from looking at me like I was a freak, I waited for the snap of awareness when she ripped the wax away. I was a pro at waxing and usually the sting barely registered. I was wholly unprepared for the fiery agony that was unleashed along my bikini line when she tore off the first strip.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" I shrieked.

The pain had totally wrecked my Zen. Strip after strip ripped away any pretence I had at composure and had me writhing and flinching in agony. This shit was unacceptable and I knew without saying anything that it wasn't Teesh's fault. The woman was booked up weeks in advance and the only reason I'd gotten an appointment with her was because I'd dropped Cathy's name; even then no amount of name dropping would have gotten me in if she hadn't had a last minute cancellation about two minutes before I called.

By the time she'd finished I was a sweating mess. The shopping trip I had planned to check out a new bikini and pick Cathy up a little something to say thank you for the efficient way she'd organised me into Huntington Beach living was going to have to wait while I went home for a shower.

As Teesh smoothed soothing lotion into my burning skin she spoke up for the first time since the ordeal began. "I take it that's not a normal reaction for you?"

"Oh hell no! I felt like I was going through some kind of 'man getting waxed' levels of pain. You know, like the difference between man flu and a runny nose? Normally waxing for me is the runny nose that was a full blown case of man flu." I was trying to breathe deeply through the pain because...ouch!

"There are various reasons why waxing can sometimes be more painful than you're usually used to. You're not pregnant are you?" Teesh had finished with the lotion and had turned to wash her hands.

"Oh my god! Why would you ask me that?" I blurted out horrified and embarrassed.

"Well I can tell that you're not menstruating and hormones can make you abnormally sensitive," Teesh said in a voice devoid of all emotion.

She could tell I wasn't menstruating. Oh. My. God. Of course she could. She'd been right up in my....ugh.

"No, I'm not pregnant," I answered firmly. There was no way. None. "I'm not," I reiterated but suddenly I wasn't feeling so certain. I resisted the urge to start counting on my fingers. I couldn't be....

Okay so I might not have had a period for a couple of months because I'd taken my pill without a break so I didn't need to deal with all the hassle of shark week while we were sorting out the new office. Plus I was dealing with an international move but my wilful overuse of the pill was an important factor, I'd been taking it. I might have been hurling in the early hours of the morning without fail and I might have been finding that smells that normally didn't worry me had me wanting to increase the frequency of said hurling. I also may have started to develop the kind of boobs I'd only ever dreamed about as a teenager and okay, yes, I did flake out at my sister's house. BUT... There was that one very important factor. The pill. I was on the pill. There was NO WAY I could be pregnant.