Missing You Again

Lost

I appreciated Michelle's kindness but I wasn't in the mood for a sympathetic ear. No, my mood tended more toward self-flagellation and self-blame. As much as Michelle told me that the noisy and anger filled reactions from the people I cared about were the result of artistic temperaments not dealing well with surprise, I knew the truth.

I was in short an arsehole. Worse than that, I was a selfish arsehole. And it looked as though everyone who didn't already know it knew it now.

Michelle wouldn't let me order an Uber immediately; she didn't want me to be alone. When I complimented her on her house she gave a laughing grimace. "It used to be Brian's and my house."

I raised my eyebrows at her. I'd been to Brian and Steph's apartment, I knew it was a stopgap for them and had originally belonged to Ryan but even so it seemed more Brian than this place did.

'Did you redecorate?"

Michelle burst out laughing as she handed me a cranberry juice, not as good as pomegranate but I'd take it. "No. Poor Brian this house was always more mine than it was his."

I let that sink in.

"Meaghan doesn't even want her and Zacky's house," I reflected.

"That's probably because Zacky was more invested in making a home with her than she was with him." Michelle took a seat next to me.

"What? She didn't love him?" I asked shocked.

"I like Meaghan and consider her a friend but I always felt that although she loved him she was holding something back. Like she was playing the part for everyone else but was never really letting herself get too invested. I think it was why she always came across as so jealous," Michelle explained.

"God, that's....awful."

Michelle shrugged, "It's not great. Plus Zacky always seemed to overcompensate, like he was trying to convince himself that this was it, everything was perfect and she was the love of his life."

"But she was," I interjected.

Michelle snorted, "Sure she was. If that was the case explain why he was still in touch with you after all these years and why the first person that he ran to when she left him was you?"

"Oh," I swallowed hard. God when Michelle turned off her sympathetic ear she dealt a pretty brisk trade in hard realities.

"Hey, I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. I just want you to know that despite how he may appear on the surface, Zacky is a hopeless romantic. It's why Meaghan hurt him so badly. He wanted her to be the one. And it's why the way you kept things, important things, from him has hurt him so much now. He's invested in you." Michelle laid a hand on my knee.

"I think I should order my Uber now." I had no idea how to respond to what Michelle had just told me. I didn't know if I could. I reached for my phone, focusing on my Uber app. It was better than facing the sincerity in Michelle's eyes.

"Sure thing. I meant what I said Kelly, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just want you to understand why Zacky might be wary of you. It might take him some time to trust you again but hang in there. "

"What about you? Things didn't work out for you and Brian," I was genuinely curious.

Michelle laughed and rolled her eyes, "Brian and I were great for a while. We were young, we had fun and we partied...hard. The thing is as we got older we both wanted different things but we stuck together out of habit. Someone had to be the bad guy and that was me, but at least I was honest with him and didn't go behind his back."