The Lucky Ones [Watty Awards 2012]

Broken Promises And Now A Broken Dream

I surprised myself when I told him to fuck off and that I was done with him. But he stopped me. An hour into the conversation I was in tears, telling him everything I had felt about him. I had always loved him too and I knew I had to break up with Dylan because it wasn't fair to him. The next morning I did what I had to do and soon after ran into Evan's arms. What can I say, I was in love, and Evan was finally mine.

Thinking about it now makes me cry as I remember how strongly I felt about him, it was intoxicating and I have never felt anything like it. He effortlessly broke down the walls I had built up and would hold me tight as I cried into his shoulder while he whispered magic words that healed me in an instant. Every day with him was something exciting, I was enchanted.

(Falling in love is magnetic, cosmic. 

Broken hearts are just wrong and tragic.  

However it's the journey in between that counts, 

The moments that take your breath away even though time hasn't stopped. 

But when I hold you in my arms, 

Till you feel safe and sound, 

I know we're the lucky ones and I love you only)

He sent me that one night and I broke down into tears, he was my superman and I was his Lois Lane and each day I loved him more. I trusted him with my whole heart and he was right, we were the lucky ones. Some weekends we would just cuddle in silence watching the sky dance into a sunset. Then we would kiss until it was my time to go. He drove me crazy with each touch and his voice sent a shiver up my spine. Each kiss sent me to a higher level of heaven and just a touch of his hand made me feel safe.

But he had a venomous bite. We only had two arguments but each time he completely lost it. I don't cry easily in general but he could break me with his name-calling and refusal to speak to me until I apologized...Even though it was his fault. There were only two because those times. I was careful not to make him angry.

To avoid a fight I let him do whatever he wanted: like flirting with other girls and taking them to dates because I was afraid to lose him. I know it sounds crazy. But at the time I thought I'd rather go through anything, just as long as I didn't lose him.

After two months of dating he told me he had to go away and help a friend for a weekend I knew he was getting ready to break up with me. For the whole week he was away I craved him, I wanted him, I needed him. I thought of ways to get him back, to make him love me again.

I'd love to say that we had and still have a happily ever after, that his time away made him realize his wrongs and our relationship grew but I can't. On the 2nd of April 2010 at four fourteen am I woke up, just as he sent me a text message. Reading through it was difficult because I started shaking as tears dropped onto the screen of my phone. He said that it wasn't my fault. And that he needed some space.

I thought I had prepared myself over the last week, but I couldn't handle it. He had stolen my heart and returned it shattered and broken into pieces. All the promises he made were broken with a single text. Instead of calling him and trying to get him back I sent back, "ok, goodbye." I was too proud to show him he had broken me... Or maybe I realized he wasn't worth lowering myself anymore.

I cried for 2 hours nonstop and somehow fell back to sleep...Only to wake up and cry the remainder of the day in secret. My family, most friends... Even my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend. That is how secret our relationship was. Now I was going through my first heartbreak without anyone to help or comfort me. I bumped into Evan a few times about two weeks after the breakup, every time he was parading around a new girl and each one was a stab in the heart.